We have heard it, possibly said it and probably thought it … “My mom is killing me!”  You know what I mean and if you don’t then this article is not for you.  She is not literally killing you, but frustrating the hell out of you.

Family Caregiving Conflicting Feelings

You have all of these things running through your mind…I have to be at work, I have to help my kids, I have to show up for my other commitments; there is just not enough time in the day!  What did you overlook?  Your spouse/significant other and yourself, we have all done it.  The things that you are secure about, you kind of push to the side. We always put ourselves and our needs last so, what are one or ten more things?

Signs we may be having conflicting feelings

Ponder a few minutes on neglect.  That is what we are doing. We are neglecting our partners, we are neglecting ourselves.  How long will it be before problems in our relationships pop-up?  How long will it be before we start feeling run down, exhausted, and ailments start popping up?  We may even get sick with a cold or infection of some sort.  Our low back begins to hurt all of the time, our migraines become more frequent, our stomach is just in knots.  Yes, you know what is coming next…the pouncing on anything and anyone that pisses you off.  Even things that normally would not phase you seem like big deals now.  What do you leave in your wake?  Then hurt feelings of your partner, your kids, fellow workers, your friends, and your mom?

Yeah, I know, we were going to talk about conflicting feelings. I see it as you love this person and want the best for them and their care BUT, you are so mad, angry and frustrated at them that you want to either choke them or run away. You truly love this person but you just do not like them right now and you are just plain mad. Oops, how can I feel that way?  I can’t. But, I do?  Then I feel shitty for feeling the way that I feel. Well, hell, now what do I do. You are human Take a breath, and realize it’s your reptilian part of your brain that is reacting and not your logical brain.  The logical brain takes about 3 more seconds to kick in and be available to you for use.  You really aren’t mad at your mom, you are really mad at the situation, the struggles, the problems and all of the confusing and probably contradicting information that you are receiving all at the same time.

Be kinder to yourself.  Realize that your own self- care is not a luxury; it is a necessity for you to be able to provide better care to your loved one.  It still counts, even if you are not the “hands-on” caregiver but more of the “overseer to needed care.”

For those that recognize that they may need some help, as this is not their area of expertise, I offer services and support plans that are specific to you and your loved ones needs.  Let’s have a conversation to see if I may be of service to you.

Pat Collins

865=684-8771 (leave a message, if I am unable to answer and I will return your call)

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