Month: January 2023

Feelings that a Well Spouse Has

Good relationships take work on the parts of both people involved under the best of circumstances.  What happens when one of the partners becomes seriously ill or will need help for more than six months? It may be from a stroke, cancer, traumatic brain injury, mental health/psychiatric disorders, spinal cord injuries, dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, etc. What happens when relationship challenges rear their ugly head? Will you address it? Will you ignore it? Will you stuff your feelings way down deep? Will you deal with it in a healthy way? Decisions, decisions, decisions. January 25, 2023

Spousal Caregiver Challenges

Challenges arise when the changes come. There will be changes. No one can tell you when they will come or what they may be. Deal with them as they come. You can stuff your feelings, but eventually, they will come out. It won’t be in a good way, either. Acceptance is hard. Accepting things as they are, right now is hard. We have to give ourselves grace for every moment. Learning about their chronic health condition will help you to understand what is happening. Yes, I know there is usually more than one. Accurate information about what is happening and what will come will help you be more prepared to handle situations.

The challenges that cause the most aggravation are:

    1. Toileting and incontinence issues
    1. Showering/Bathing
    1. Eating out
    1. Repetitive questions
    1. Relationship strain
    1. Fatigue
    1. Guilt
Learning healthy ways to cope will help in this journey. Yes, it will be a journey. You will have good times, bad times and okay times.

Things you can do to help yourself destress:

    1. Find things you can do together
    1. Accept that you are doing your best
    1. Breathe, just deep breathe
    1. Have someone you can talk to and vent to
    1. Go for a walk/run
    1. Play a sport
    1. Meet up with friends for lunch
    1. Have a massage
    1. Tell others what you need, no one is a mind reader
    1. Keep your own doctor appointments
    1. Eat for nutritional needs
    1. Sleep and rest
    1. Learn to become more resilient (yes, you can do that)

Feel Your Feelings

It is okay to feel your feelings. It is okay to talk about your feelings. It is even okay to not have an answer. It is not okay to act aggressively or become verbally or physically abusive. Physical abuse includes doing things “rougher” than is necessary. Feeling sadness, anger and frustration are normal feelings. It is how you handle those feelings that make the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Don’t bottle up your feelings, you will eventually explode.

Warning Signs that you Need Help:

    1. Your own health is in decline
    1. You find yourself anxious and irritable
    1. You are relying more on alcohol or other drugs
    1. You are becoming withdrawn
    1. Smoking or eating more
    1. Overreacting to minor nuisances
    1. You are feeling increasingly resentful
    1. You are constantly exhausted even when you are resting & sleeping
    1. You are beginning to feel helpless or hopeless
    1. Backaches, headaches, stomachaches or other physical problems

Caregiving does have to be a burden

Caregiving doesn’t always have to be bad or feel like a chore. In fact, a lot of folks find themselves okay with being their spouses’ caregivers. Learn what you need to do for yourself so that you are a more resilient caregiver. Find three things that you will do each day for yourself. Pat

Aging Eyes Need More Light, So How Much & What Kind?

Aging eyes need twice as much light as young eyes to read and do tasks. Folks with Alzheimer’s need even more light. More contrast is needed. For older eyes, yellow backgrounds or yellow highlighted areas are easier to read. Use black ink or dark blue ink. There is a point where we have to get over “pretty” and use functional.

Have you ever wondered why folks with dementia “see things that aren’t there?” It could be shadows or a dark area in their field of vision. Have you ever wondered why a person with Alzheimer’s gets fearful and acts out for so seeming reason? It could be lighting, shadows or depth perception issues.

January 18, 2023

How do you see?

How do you see? Nope, not with your eyes. With your brain. Your eyes feed data to the brain and your brain computes to send back messages on what you are seeing. Now, imagine that your brain isn’t working very well and it can’t quite make out some of the data that is being sent. In fact, it is corrupted information. GIGO – garbage in, garbage out.

One of my experiences

My brother and I were out driving one night, shooting the breeze and looking around. All of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of something on the right side of the car. It was a freaking deer. It did not hit the car, thank goodness. He saw it too, just a glimpse of something. Our eyes had taken in the data and our brains had processed what we saw. What we think we saw. We reasoned out it was probably a deer. We had no time to react, just jump because we were startled. Good thing it didn’t hit the car, because we sure didn’t have time to swerve.

Now, imagine that same scenario but now my brain has an injury or is failing. What will happen to the information that has been gathered by the eyes and sent to the brain for processing? It depends. Where the damage is in the brain and what still works will impact the quality of information and processing ability. The information sent back from the brain may have been nothing, to a bear, to a spear, to a person, or to a deer, who knows what it interpreted?

Folks that have Alzheimer’s or another Dementia…their Brain is Failing

In dementia or Alzheimer’s, the brain is failing. It cannot process and interpret as it once did. It cannot give factual information. It still gives information; it just may be incorrect information. Can you see why we would hold on to what our brain is telling us? We saw “x” and our brains interpreted either, “x, y or z” and relayed that information back. I know what my brain told me and here you are trying to tell me that it isn’t real? The fight is on! Don’t be telling me what I saw was wrong, hell, I saw it. You get the gist.

You want to lessen the anxiety and agitation by using appropriate lighting throughout the home. You will need brighter lights. You will need to eliminate or decrease dark corners and shadows. Dark corners and shadows tell our brains to be wary and afraid. Use natural light as much as possible. Always cover bulbs with a shade.

Check out the Home for Problem Areas

Look at the hallways. Is there light bouncing or reflecting off of the floor? Minimize glare. Does the floor look dark like an abyss? Look outside, what does the area look like when the sun starts going down? Look for shadows or reflections that may be troublesome. Close the curtains when it begins to get dark outside. Shadows may be mistaken for strangers.

Suggestions

Use contrasting colors to help them find things. Use a red plate for their food. Use colorful bed linens so they can find their bed. Maybe it is time to place signs up with arrows for finding the toilet, bedroom, kitchen, etc. Hang a sign, with their name on it, on their bedroom door. Label the hot and cold water handles.

A side note, sometimes you may need to cover mirrors because the person with dementia no longer recognizes their own face.

Bulbs, Watts, LED’s, CFL’s

Maybe you need 100 watts or 150 watts of bright light. Make sure the lamp can handle that amount. It is so confusing now with all of the different types of bulbs. Read on the packaging to find what you need. Ask someone who works there for help in determining what may be best for you. Some of those things are expensive. Make sure your lamp or socket is designed to hold that type of bulb and the wattage of the bulb. For example, a 32-watt compact fluorescent light (CFL) correlates to the same amount of light that a 100-watt bulb does. Then you have to deal with the height of the bulb. It will be a process.

Your goal is brighter and more consistent lighting. Getting rid of shadows and dark corners. Give it a try for a few months and see how much better their life will be and your life will be.

Pat

Getting “Life” Things in Order: You want it. You need it. But, you can’t seem to do it…why?

Maybe, it is because you don’t know your “why.” Your own personal “why” is what motivates you. You can say “I need to…” or “I should …” do X,Y, and Z.  Yet, it never gets done. Is it because you don’t know where to start? Is it because you are not sure what to do or what is important? Is it because you don’t really see the benefit of doing “it?” January 11, 2023 Simon Sinek, says to always start with your “WHY?” Why is it important? How will it help you or your loved one? How will it improve your life? How will it decrease your stress? Why do you do what you do?

The Stress-Buster Binder is for you, if you want an easy to use format.

Will a fill-in-the-blank PDF help you?

Would a fill-in-the-blank notebook be of benefit to you? Would a fillable pdf document be of benefit to you? For some of you, it is what you have been looking for. For others, it is something you didn’t know you needed but will be of tremendous help to you.  What is in the world could it be? My shameless plug for my Stressbuster, Time Saving Important Documents Binder.

How will it help?

It is organized by topic. The pages are protected by sheet protectors, you fill it out and have the information at your fingertips. You know how it is, you go to a new doctor and you have to fill out a complete medical history. You cannot remember everything nor can you remember dates. With the grab-and-go binder, you fill it out ONCE and use the information forever. That decreases your stress level when you are asked for medical information that you don’t recall.

Topics Included:

A durable power of attorney Financial

 Power of attorney  for Health

HIPAA

Health Care Proxy

Financial Affairs

End-of-life decisions

Advance directive

Will

Things you may also need, that you didn’t-know you would need

Medical History

Online Accounts – passwords and security questions

And more…

Pre-printed Binder Kit (pages are in sheet protectors) Checklist

You also receive clean sheets to make copies. This is great for updating the records and for when you need to use medications given check-off sheets. The complete binder kit is $249.00 and can be mailed anywhere in the contiguous 48 states for $17.00, as of this date 10/25/2023. Prices for printing and mailing may be updated as those prices increase. Yes, I am telling you to get the binder before the price increases.

Computer version Checklist

Fillable PDF file for family use $129.00 Fillable PDF file for single use $69.00 Pat

What will You Do to Feel Happier & More Relaxed this Coming Year, as a Caregiver?

With the start of a new year, most of us think about getting organized and decluttering our spaces. We know that we would feel better, be happier, and have the ability to do more. We want it. But, will we invest in the time it takes to get us there? Some will and some will not. Do you see the value of taking time and putting forth the effort to make your life easier, in all areas? January 4, 2023

What do you value?

What you value, you will make time for. What you value, you will do. It is that simple. It doesn’t matter if you “would like to” or if you “need to,” or even if “I have to.” None of those things matter. You get to decide what you will do or will not do. It really is a decision that you make. Find the health and well-being things that you enjoy. Nobody likes to do the grunt work. We would all rather do the “fun” stuff, but that is not the way things work. There is an upside. What you take care of now, you won’t have to fool with later and then you get to have more fun. You can get rid of the “I should’s” or the “I need to…” kinds of things and all of the stress that comes with that.

Being Organized is Your Friend (it helps your caregiver stressed brain a rest)

Organization is your friend. Getting organized is a process, it does take time, but it will be worth it in the long run. Think about it, no more searching for 20 minutes and sometimes hours on end. You know where it is and you can go and get it. Being able to put your hands on the information you need is awesome. Think of all the stress you don’t have to deal with because you have your stuff in order. Organization helps your brain to rest. Your brain needs downtime. That is another article and we will get to that later. Remember, you only have about four hours of focused brain energy every day. Organization will boost your health. By decreasing your stress, you have already helped your health. You will rest better, sleep better, have a better outlook on life. Organization helps you to control the things that you can control. There are so many things outside of our control, do what you can to manage the things you can. Organization helps you be healthier. You make time for meal prep. You plan food for your meal times and snacks. Organization will help you to be more productive. Yep, it’s true. Getting your ducks in the same pond will help you perform your duties better and more easily. They don’t have to be in a row, but they do need to be in the same pond.

Decrease Family Caregiver Overwhelm

Organization decreases overwhelm. How would you like to know who is doing what on each day? How would you like to know what you will or won’t be doing each day? How would you like to know what is coming up so you can make better plans for your days and weeks? Organization allows for spontaneity and unexpected problems. You know what must be done and can see what needs to be moved to a later date.  Things are going to “come up.” And stuff will “hit the fan.” Being able to make adjustments on the fly is what you need and organization helps you to do that.

Feeling Stuck or Paralyzed?

When you feel things are looming over you, you feel stressed and sometimes, that paralyzes you and then you are stuck. Feeling stuck sucks. It is hard to get moving when you feel stuck. If you are already in motion, then all you have to do is readjust or reorient and keep moving forward.

 Start with two areas in your life. You get to choose which two

    • Your work area
    • Your “To do” list
    • Your email – read it, do it, delete it, save it in a file folder, and answer it when you read it ** Do email two or three times a day only. Example – beginning of the workday, after lunch, before going home
    • Meal prep – every Sunday (or whatever day works best for you)
    • Make time for friends and family
    • Dedicate 30 minutes – 1 hour to plan your week
    • Develop a chores list and when to do them
    • Schedule your workout days and times – walking, running, lifting, bicycling, yoga, etc.
    • Journalling for 10 – 20 minutes daily
    • Reading for 10 – 30 minutes daily
    • Social media scrolling and interacting for a maximum of X amt. of minutes or hours per day and set a cutoff time every evening.
    • Declutter your home
    • Declutter your desk
    • Work from a check-off list
Be consistent! You will get there.

Maybe, you will do better with big bucket areas:

    • Work
    • Home
    • Home life
    • Bills/Finances
    • Health
    • Leisure time/Hobbies/Interests
    • Relationships
    • Personal growth
    • Education/Expanding knowledge
    • Caregiving

What does organization look like?

    • Focus on what is important
    • Identify tasks – pick only 3 things at a time
    • Delegate what you can
    • Create To-do list
    • Use a planner to keep up with the agenda
    • Use labels/Dividers
    • Set goals – use SMART system         Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound
    • Track your progress – Are you achieving your goals in the allotted time? Would it be better to block out periods of time? Find what works best for you.
    • Limit your distractions – unnecessary phone calls, texts, emails, other people
    • Use a timer
    • Reprioritize, when necessary
    • Take a break – sometimes 5 minutes will do and sometimes you need 20 minutes
    • Deep breathe – to help you decrease your stress and to refocus
    • Be flexible – bend, don’t break
    • Do a brain dump – get it all out so you can be creative, solve problems and imagine. Write down everything you need to do, think of appointments you need to make, bills you need to pay, people you need to see, tasks you need to complete, presentations you need to prepare for and make, etc. Don’t censor yourself and don’t put them in order. The goal is to get it out.
    • Be realistic about what you can complete in a day
    • Leave space for the unexpected
    • Eat the frog – Do it first thing in the morning and get it over with. Tackle the most difficult task first.
    • Work for 25 minutes on one project with no interruptions or distractions, then take a break for 5 minutes (get up and walk around).  Keep doing this cycle until you are done or as long as you are productive.
    • Avoid re-clutter – read it, handle it, throw it away, put it away
    • Never leave trash in your car

Oopsie! I messed up…

Yes, you will mess up every now and then. It is okay, no beating yourself up. Start where you are and get back on track. The mess-ups will happen less and less. Getting more organized is to help you. It is another tool for decreasing stress and improving productivity. When you improve your productivity you are less tired both mentally and physically. Pat