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Can I really do self-care for myself? Yes!

You hear a lot about self-care and how we should all be making that a priority in our lives.  If you are a caregiver, you hear it even more.  When you are in the middle of being a caregiver, “take care of yourself first,” “make time for yourself,” “take a break,” and many other phrases by well-meaning folks just make us crazy.

Presently, I am not a caregiver, but I have been one and so when I say “we” it is because I have been there too.  Yes, self-care is important, but when do you find the time?  You will never “find the time.”  You have to make it a priority and schedule it into your day or week just like an appointment.  Write it down.  What gets written down gets done.

Good self-care includes:

Draft some of those well-meaning folks to help with the caregiving chores so that you can do your self-care.  Notice that I said draft them.  That is akin to delegating some of your tasks to others.  Yes, it can be done.  Think about the things that really do not have to be done by you.  Make a list and divvy it up amongst others.

Let’s get back to the actual self-care issue and the benefits of self-care.

Self-care does not have to cost you any money.  You can walk or run every day.  Work up to 30 minutes.  It is a great stress reliever and you get to have some alone time to just let your thoughts wonder.  You don’t even have to figure anything out during this time.  When a thought arises, just say to yourself…”Isn’t that interesting?”

Make plans ahead of time to get away.  Even if it is for one day, heck even if you could only get away for four hours, wouldn’t that be pretty awesome?  Yes, it would.  If you can’t get a volunteer, then draft someone or hire someone.

Self-care for your own health and well-being

Let’s look at self-care from a benefits standpoint.  You will be calmer and more in control of your emotions.  You can think more clearly and make better decisions.  You will actually be more productive and have more energy for caregiving.  It will improve

Your relationships.  Relationships become strained and die because of neglect.  No matter what the reason.

Do something that you enjoy either by yourself of with someone that you love.  Recharge your batteries so that you can be the best caregiver possible.

I know, I know, it is New Year’s Eve and it everyone is asking you what your resolutions are for the coming year.  I don’t have any and come to think of it, I never have been one to make them.  I have seen it year after year at the gym.  It is packed from the first of the year until about February and then it really slacks off.

I am sure that it is that way for most resolutions.  Why?  They are usually made with the best of intentions.  What happens between the declaration and the actual resolution?  Maybe the goal was not specific enough.  This one is usually for losing weight and working out/going to the gym.  Did you remember to state the amount of weight you are going to lose and by when?  You have to be specific and it has to have a time table.  Just like at work you need to set SMART goals.

S – Specific (simple, specific, significant)

M – Measurable (meaningful, motivating to you)

A – Achievable (doable, attainable)

R – Realistic (relevant, reasonable, results-based)

T – Time based (time limited, by when)

If you would like to set a goal for yourself, then by all means go for it.  Get specific and write it down.  Have an accountability partner to support you, not to nag you. Small steps, this is a marathon and not a sprint.  You will mess up, it is okay. Have a plan in place for when you mess up.  I say just start where you are and go forward. Celebrate your successes. Focus on the present and what one thing you are doing today to help you achieve your goal.  Change your thought processes.  If you ever hear yourself saying, “I can’t,” or “I failed at…,” stop right there.  It is okay that you failed, that means that you really did try and maybe you can’t right now but soon you will be able to because you kept working on your goals. You’ve got this!

Did you know that dehydration has almost nothing to do with feeling thirsty? After about age 40, we don’t feel thirst as we once did. That part of our brain doesn,t work quite as well as it once did. But, we still need to hydrate with fluids. Most of us are dehydrated because we wait until we feel thirst to drink water. Our bodies need to stay hydrated throughout the day. 

A 60-year old man was starting to forget little things and he would start a project, but would not finish it… Now, some family members thought that it might be the beginnings of Alzheimer’s disease which made the other family members panic a little. The questions started flying! How long has this been going on? What is wrong with dad? He is just not right. Why didn’t you tell us? The wife was feeling ganged up on. She had not really noticed anything different as this had happened so slowly that she had gotten used to it and it was just the new normal.

Of course, an appointment was made with his primary care doctor, for two weeks later. What in the world were they going to do until then besides stress out and fret?

Nobody ever thinks about dehydration and drinking more water. You see as we age the part of our brain that senses thirst just does not work as well as it used to. We just don’t feel thirsty. Guess what? Our bodies still need that water to function properly and to deliver nutrients and remove toxins from our body. Dehydration can make use hallucinate, become weak and not be able to think clearly. As we age we have to work at preventing dehydration. 

Dehydration in older adults, prime example

It was not dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. He had not been drinking enough water every day and so his thinking was foggy, he was forgetting little things and he was having difficulty thinking.

The remedy, you guessed it! Drink more water throughout the day. How much should most of us drink? About half of your body weight in ounces per day. Example: 170 pounds divided by 2 = 85 ounces of water. That is only 5 of the 1L (16.9oz) bottles.

Can Caregiving Be A Positive Experience?

Some say, Yes; and some say, No.  I say, it depends.  Let’s think about this for a few minutes.  Do you know your own personality type and tendencies?  If you know how you tend to act and react to stressful situations that will help when you find yourself in a caregiving situation.  Some of you are thinking, “What in the world does this have to do with what I have to do?”  Hang on a few minutes and I will show you.

If you don’t know your personality type, I would recommend that you take a Myers-Briggs personality types test.  You can do it for free online.

Link that describes the different types:

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm?bhcp=1

This test was free, at the time of this writing. November 2017.

https://my-personality-test.com/

I saw this in an article and it kind of explains what I am talking about.

“Coping strategies take many forms, and three common types are described below:

Emotion-Focused (e.g., social support, humor, and finding meaning in the situation)

Problem-Focused (e.g., help from others, advice, and planning)

Dysfunctional (e.g., venting, denial, and substance abuse)

Problem-focused coping helps individuals feel in control of a stressful situation, but unfortunately, research indicates that Neurotic caregivers are less likely to engage in this type of coping strategy. And longitudinal research reveals that anxiety does not escalate over time for caregivers who use positive emotion-focused coping strategies, which is also used infrequently by Neurotic caregivers.

Family Caregivers Can Develop Resilience and Skills

So caregivers may wish to change the way they cope with the stressors of caring for a loved one, for the sake of the family member’s well-being, as well as their own.”

Kristine Anthis, PhD | January 3, 2012

Positive aspects of caregiving include: You feel good about your experience because you are able to give back to someone who has cared for you.  You have the satisfaction of knowing that your loved one is receiving excellent care (either by you, other family members or by hiring outside help).  You know you are being a good role model for your own children.  You know that you are making a positive difference in their lives.  It is very possible that you will have precious memories and moments that you would not have had otherwise. It is an accomplishment.

It isn’t easy and there will be struggles, anger, and resentment at the situation.  But you have the tools to handle whatever situation arises or you know who to call for help.  After two or three years, most folks know that it is time to get help and to make sure that their loved one is still receiving the best medical care.  It is at that point that I would ask that you consider contacting me, Pat Collins of Empowering Health Options to see if it would benefit you and your loved one if we work together.

Pat Collins

Empowering Health Options

Telephone:  865-684-8771

Email: pat@empoweringhealthoptions.com

Relieving Holiday Stress for Family Caregivers

The holidays are fun, exciting, exhausting, maddening, time challenging, overwhelming, full of unmet expectations and family drama.  For the most part we enjoy the get togethers with family and friends; we don’t enjoy all the stress that comes with it. Self-care is still important at the holidays.

Many caregivers have more stress during the holidays

Stress, it’s the six letter dirty word when it is negative stress.  Can holiday entertaining be less stressful and more enjoyable?  Yes, it really can be less stressful and quite enjoyable.  What are the two things that are most important to you?  Focus on those two things and be flexible with everything else. With a few adapted holiday preparations, everyone can have a fun time. 

We all have a picture in our minds of “how it should be,” or “how we want it to be?”  Now, wake up from that dream and look at reality.  It is not going to be that way.  Why?  Because everyone else has their own dreams and ideas of the way it should be too.  Get rid of the “have to’s” and “shoulds.”  Make your own new traditions.  Can you give up your perfectionism for being fully present?  Will you be open to the possibility that whatever you choose to do or not do will be good enough?  Delegate some of the cooking, use paper plates and plastic utensils, and keep menu choices limited to the basics.  No talking of politics, religion or personal family issues.  It is neither the time nor the place.  Lower your expectations and go with the flow.

Enjoy the Holidays

Have outdoor games and indoor games available; enjoy just sitting and talking or watching something on television together.  It does not matter that holiday is not celebrated on the actual calendar day.  We celebrate Thanksgiving on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  It works for us and we are all together, watching football, playing with the Nerf guns, wrestling, playing a board game, doing a jigsaw puzzle or playing Disney’s Scene It.  Really, we are just enjoying each other for a couple of days.

I know the holidays are a busy time and we can’t get rid of all the stress, but we can decrease it quite a bit if we are open to the possibility that we can enjoy just being together above all else.