Category: Caregiver Information

Which caregiver role fits you, right now?

January 5, 2022

Which caregiver role fits you, right now?

  1. Hands-on caregiver – you are physically there and you help with their daily needs (i.e., dressing, bathing, toileting, brushing their teeth, meal preparation and feeding).
  2. Companion care – they can do most things on their own and you are there to provide company, keep them engaged with conversation (emotional support) and make some meals as well as medication reminders and light housekeeping. Maybe, take them to an appointment or on errands.
  3. Long-distance caregiving – you probably live an hour or more away, you may be helping with money management, and you may be in charge of making appointments, finding in-home care assistance, and planning for emergencies.
  4. Accidental caregiver – Oh crap, I did not see this coming, right now. I know that I have to help, but I am not sure what I am good at? I will muddle through.
  5. Reluctant caregiver – you may find yourself responsible for someone who has abused you in the past or that you do not get along with. This one is very difficult and it may be best to find help immediately and place yourself in the long-distance caregiving camp.
  6. A Swoop-in, create havoc and swoop on out caregiver – these folks need an ass whipping. They come in every once-in-a-while, state and do whatever they feel like, without regards to the care receiver or the other care givers and get things stirred up and then they leave. Most likely, these folks are just waiting for the care receiver to die so they will not have to be bothered.
  7. Provider of support to the caregiver – Physically and emotionally help the caregiver to excel at being a caregiver. You help the caregiver with the chores or things that need to be taken care of at their house or the house of the care receiver. (Laundry, house cleaning, cooking a meal or two, mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, running errands, etc.)

Some of you have never identified as a caregiver, it is just something that you do. You are helping your mom. You are helping your dad. You are helping your wife. You are helping your husband. You have never viewed it as caregiving, they need help and I will help them. It is that simple.

You never even give it a second thought. That is what family does for each other. I get it, I have been there too. It is what good friends do for each other too. While we don’t identify with the word “caregiver,” that is what we are. A lot of us are the Lone Ranger. We are fine, for a while. We can manage our lives, our jobs, our homes and all of our loved one’s stuff, for a while. Usually, it is about 18 months in and we are stressed out, frustrated, tired and overwhelmed. We look up one day, and wonder how we got here? It happened so slowly and it wasn’t too bad or too hard. But, now, it takes a lot more time and effort to help our loved one.

Our love for them has not changed. Our goals for them have not changed. Our goals for ourselves have not changed. What has changed is our own health. We are tired and we just cannot get rested. Our eating habits are worse, we have gained weight and those stress headaches and lower back pain keep us off of our game. Work is work. It hasn’t slowed down and I am expected to perform at my best every day. I can’t concentrate as well as I used to. I find myself worrying more about my loved one and I can’t remember the last time I had some free time.

What would help you the most in the next three months?

Do you need an easy to use, fill-in-the-blank essential information binder?

The three things it will do for you –

  1. Decrease your stress level
  2. Empower you to be more in control, to make better decisions
  3. Information will be easily accessed when needed

What is included in this Stress Buster, Time Saver, Information Binder:

  1. Banking Information (including retirement information)
  2. Bills – list of and when due
  3. Doctors and other Health care providers list
  4. Documents needed
  5. HIPAA release form
  6. Home information (home, vehicles, rental property)
  7. Income to be received (from Social Security, Retirement, Renters, etc.)
  8. Legal Documents needed
  9. Medical bills and EOB’s (explanation of benefits, with tips and info)
  10. Medical history (incl. diagnoses, surgeries, devices used, etc.)
  11. Medicare and Medicare Advantage Plan (how to check on EOB or MSN for coverages and benefits)
  12. Medications (list of medications, administration check-off list, incl. over-the-counter medications0
  13. Online accounts (User names, Passwords, Answers to security questions)
  14. Tasks to be done sheets

Available as a Binder Kit (with pages in sheet protectors, highlighters, ink pens and a mechanical pencil) 

OR

As a downloadable, fillable PDF file for Single use or Family Use

Use this link for more information and to Order product.

Binder Kit

The next thing that may help you or your loved one is to KNOW whether the medications you are taking are working for you, against you or doing nothing for you. It is a genetic test for medications. You do it once and use the information for the rest of your life. It is a cheek swab. Have your own doctor, physician’s assistant or nurse practitioner order the test (they may use a prescription pad), get it to me and we will get you started.

For more information and a list of medications that have a genetic impact, click on this link

Right Med® Test Kit

Scroll down to blue bar that states Right Med Mediation List and click on that link to see the list of medications.

Services offered are listed under the Options tab. Click on link below to access options page.

Options

Option 1 is for an overview and is available to all.

Options 2 and 3 are researched, doable plans of action using best practices and your individual needs as guidelines. You will be heard and understood. These require a conversation and acceptance as they are customized and detailed.

** I won’t waste my time or your money, if these options are not for you. **

Options 2 and 3 are customized for the individual with researching, troubleshooting and support plans for the individual and the family.

The difference in Option 2 and Option 3 – Option 3 includes follow-up for three months instead of one month. With Option 3, updating the support plan is included. I am your guide and will help you to keep moving forward.

My goal with Option 2 or Option 3 is to help you have an understanding of your options, what you may be facing in the future and how to be as prepared as possible. To have the information that you will need to make decisions and choose the best options for you and your family.

Who do you know that could benefit from any of these products or services?

I need your help to get the word out about these products and services. I want to help those that need these things. If I can make their journey less stressful, that is what I want to do. Please pass along this information to those you know. Thank you for your time and effort.

All products and services are available throughout the U.S.

Pat

Wednesday wonderings…When is it time to deal with stuff and when is it time to ignore stuff?

September 8,2021

When to deal with it. When to ignore it. When to fight about it. When to take a break.

You have seen the t-shirts or maybe you have even said something like this …

It’s all fun and games until…Someone loses a weiner. (Feel free to add your own line.)

                                               Someone calls HR.

                                               Someone loses a nut.

Being with and dealing with someone who has a chronic illness such as depression, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, or migraines is all fun and games…at first. At first it is easy to do your work job, your house stuff, your play time, school stuff, church stuff, and all kinds of other “stuff.”

Eventually, more is needed of you. Your time, your efforts, your energy. Suck-it-up-buttercup works for a while. Then the demands on your time become draining. Do you take a time out and rest? Do you take a couple of days to recharge? No. You keep doing what you need to do. What you have to do. I get it. You want to be there for them and help them. You do love them and want the best for them. But…

Eventually, there is always a “But…”

Take three minutes and assess where you are in the care giving cycle, what is going on with your work, your family, your responsibilities, your care receiver, your physical needs, your mental needs, your emotional needs?

If you haven’t found your “but,” then either you are new to this or you won’t let yourself think about it. You can compartmentalize and stuff things down, for a while too. You put your job in one box. You put your personal stuff in another box. Another box has your care giver duties in it. Everything has their own nice little box and never are the boxes to leak or burst open and mix with the other boxes. Sure, you have everything under control, until you don’t Shit happens and at the most inopportune time. No matter how secure your box is, there will come a time when you will have to deal with all of it. How do I know? I have done it myself. I pushed things down. Ignored things and people. Yelled at work. Ranted and reaved at home. For minor things. Silly, little things. I didn’t know, at the time, that my boxes were leaking. I didn’t realize that I was very short tempered. I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to my techs who worked with me. I didn’t realize that my boys were becoming scared of me. Imagine how it feels when you do realize all of those things and more. The apologies you have to make. The rebuilding of trust and security for the boys. The knowledge that nothing will ever be the same. Even with forgiveness, no one forgets. I did do better, when I knew better. I wasn’t taking care of my needs. I had to put myself in the mix to rest and recharge to be able to help my dad who was the primary caregiver to my mom.

Should you always deal with a situation when it arises? My personal preference is, yes, deal with it now. If it were only that simple. If it only involved me, it would be simple. It does not just involve me. It involves three other people. Dammit. Now we have to discuss it, think about it, discuss it some more and then there is always someone with an objection.  How about if we, identify the situation as best we can from our own points of view and agree to discuss it at an agreed upon date and time. Did you know that everyone has their own unique point of view? Did you know that a care receiver and a care giver have totally different views at times?  Most folks have no idea what the care receiver wants or needs, they just assume according to their own wants and needs. If you are going to help someone else it is probably a good idea to talk with them to find out the who, what, where, when and why’s of things.

What if we could get away from right or wrong? What if we could be open to the possibility of many different ideas, ways or opportunities? If I can realize that it is not always my way or the highway, then you can too. Give each other the time and good information when there is a major decision to be made.

Some things you do need to ignore. Some things do not need to be handled right now. The things that will not matter in a month, you ignore. The things that will not matter in a year or two, you ignore. The minor household chores that can be delayed, ignore them until another time when you are better equipped to make a decision. Decision fatigue is a real thing. It takes a lot of energy to think and make decisions that are new to you. I know this sounds like management by crises, but it isn’t. You get to choose. Make the best choice possible with the information that you have, right now. It is a gift to be able to make a decision before a crisis hits. A plan of action to implement, when needed, is a lifeline.  Usually, the things to ignore are behavior issues. You may be dealing with an angry aging parent. They may have outbursts. Abusive behavior you cannot ignore. You must take care of yourself. They may refuse to bathe or change their clothes. Ok, so ignore it for a day or two. If they are not in harms way, sometimes you have to let them be. Your family knows your buttons and they know how to push them and they will push them. Can you ignore the button pushing? Can you, let it go? If you can, you will be much happier and much more in control. If you can’t ignore your buttons being pushed, you will get stuck, become even more frustrated and stressed out.

What about fighting? I am not talking about physical fighting, I am talking about arguing, which is fighting in my world.  This one can be tricky. Some families cannot handle fighting in any way, shape or form. They would sooner give up everything than to fight. Other families can have a frank discussion with fighting, work it out and move on with no hard feelings. Others can fuss and fight and have hard feelings for many months, even forever at times.

I wonder what is causing the fighting? Feeling unheard or ignored is a big trigger. Listen to each other first. Use a talking stick. You know, the one holding the stick gets to talk and then when they are finished, they pass it on to another person. STOP figuring out how you will respond. If you are figuring out how to respond, you are not listening. Listen for understanding. Sometimes people may say the wrong words, listen for the understanding and feelings behind the words. You do not have to agree but you do have to agree to disagree. Are you open to the possibility that the choices you must make are for right now? That in a week or two you may make different choices. Sometimes there are no good choices. There are only the choices that you will regret the least making. I wish that I could tell you that all your choices will be logical, but that is not realistic. Are we fighting because we are afraid of making a mistake or a bad choice? Guess what? You will make mistakes. You will make a bad choice. They can be rectified, almost all of the time. When you make a bad choice, do what athletes do, pat your chest twice with your hand and say “my bad.” Then move forward. Stop beating yourself up. Did you do the best that you could with the information you had at the time? If yes, move on.

Instead of fighting what if we worked on one issue at a time and not the lifetime of issues? I understand that some folks cannot find common ground. In that case, place the needs of the care receiver and the hands-on caregiver at the top of the list. You may find that a dictatorship is the best way to proceed.

I am amazed at the folks that do not talk to a relative because of an issue with hurt feelings. I have seen it in my extended family but not my core family. We could always express our opinion, discuss, fuss, fight or whatever we needed to do without fear of being cut out of each other’s lives. You do have to work within the parameters of your family dynamics. We could chase many rabbits on this topic.

When to take a break? Before you are drained would be ideal. You will need physical breaks and mental breaks. There will be times that you are too overwhelmed to make a decision. Too tired or you do not have enough good information to make a decision yet. Take that time out. Agree to take a break if a discussion becomes too intense. Come back in a couple of days or another week. Maybe you are at an impasse. Who will be the ultimate decider?

Chronic stress can kill you. Take a break to rest and recharge.

Key signs you need a break include:

  • Changes in eating habits
  • Cynicism about work
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Getting sick more frequently
  • Lack of energy
  • Lack of motivation
  • Low mood
  • Frustration
  • Feeling unfocused or fuzzy-headed
  • Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches
  • Poor performance at work
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Using drugs or alcohol to cope with stress
  • Withdrawing from friends, family, or co-workers

What days or times will you be taking time off? Write it down on the calendar. Yes, write it down. What gets written down, gets done. Realize that you will feel uncomfortable doing this. It is okay to feel some discomfort. Do not let that discomfort derail you from much needed time off or time away. You will come back stronger and more able to deal with any issue that may arise. Even an elite athlete needs days off.

Pat

Wednesday Wonderings…Time is of the essence when this information is needed…What is it?

A Current Medications List

Imagine you or someone that you love had an emergency which required a trip to the hospital. When you get there, you will be asked a lot of important questions. One of the most important is a CURRENT Medications List. What are you taking? What strength? How are you taking it? Hopefully, they will also ask you, Why are you taking that?

The “why” is important because sometimes medications are used for off-label or other than their intended indications. For example, Seroquel® (quetiapine) which has indications for Bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia, may be used for sleep.

Do you have a current medications list? Where is it? How easily can emergency personnel find it? Have a written or hard copy in your wallet that is updated every 6 months or every time your medications change.

I would also include your over-the-counter medications as well as supplements and herbal products.

Yes, I know. You think that you will remember all of that, but trust me you will not remember everything during a stressful situation. Cortisol will hijack your brain and you will be physiologically unable to recall everything that you are taking for 30 minutes to an hour or longer.

Medication misuse and abuse happens all the time and it causes 1 in 5 Emergency department visits. The most commonly misused medications are Opioids (pain medications), Central Nervous System (CNS) depressants (used for tranquilizers, anxiety, sleep) and Stimulants (ADHD medications). These are not the only ones, just the most common.

Misuse

  • Taking a medicine that was prescribed for someone else
  • Taking a larger dose than you are supposed to
  • Taking the medicine in a different way than you are supposed to. This might be crushing tablets and then snorting or injecting them.
  • Using the medicine for another purpose, such as getting high

Abuse

Prescription drug abuse is the use of a prescription medication in a way not intended by the prescribing doctor. Prescription drug abuse or problematic use includes everything from taking a friend’s prescription painkiller for your backache to snorting or injecting ground-up pills to get high. Drug abuse may become ongoing and compulsive, despite the negative consequences.

When will you write out and place your list in your wallet? Write it on your calendar. What gets written down, gets done.

Pat