Author: Pat

Common Challenges Family Caregivers Face

Posted on June 15, 2023 by - Caregiver Information, Uncategorized

You jumped right in and did what needed to be done. You didn’t realize that, over time, you would become exhausted, frustrated, and rewarded. It is such a mix of feelings and emotions. You are finding that there is no such thing as a work-life balance. At times you will need to lean more towards life and other times you will need to lean more towards work. Where are you in this overview of the common challenges family caregivers face?

Are you a family caregiver? If so, you know firsthand the challenges that come with this role. Caring for a loved one can be emotionally and physically exhausting, and it can take a huge toll on your mental health. But you are not alone. Many family caregivers face similar challenges, and there are resources available to help you cope. Some are free and some are paid services. 

One of the biggest challenges of being a family caregiver is the constant vigilance that comes with the role. Not only are you on guard and watching every little thing, but you are also on edge and ready to snap. You may find yourself becoming increasingly watchful of your loved one, trying to stay on top of everything concerning their care. This can be extremely tiring and can lead to feelings of burnout and exhaustion. It’s important to recognize when you need a break and to prioritize your self-care. Self-care is not selfish, it is necessary so you can provide better care to your loved one. 

Another challenge that family caregivers often face is the feeling of isolation. You may feel like you are the only one going through this experience, or that no one understands what you are going through. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. It’s important to reach out to others for support, whether that’s through a support group, online forum, or a trusted friend or family member. While all relationships are different, the challenges are almost universal. 

Are you a family caregiver? If so, you know firsthand the challenges that come with this role. Caring for a loved one can be emotionally and physically exhausting, and it can take a huge toll on your mental health. But you are not alone. Many family caregivers face similar challenges, and there are resources available to help you cope. Some are free and some are paid services. 

One of the biggest challenges of being a family caregiver is the constant vigilance that comes with the role. Not only are you on guard and watching every little thing, but you are also on edge and ready to snap. You may find yourself becoming increasingly watchful of your loved one, trying to stay on top of everything concerning their care. This can be extremely tiring and can lead to feelings of burnout and exhaustion. It’s important to recognize when you need a break and to prioritize your self-care. Self-care is not selfish, it is necessary so you can provide better care to your loved one. 

Another challenge that family caregivers often face is the feeling of isolation. You may feel like you are the only one going through this experience, or that no one understands what you are going through. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. It’s important to reach out to others for support, whether that’s through a support group, online forum, or a trusted friend or family member. While all relationships are different, the challenges are almost universal. 

The Emotional Toll of Caregiving

Caring for a loved one can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience but also take a significant emotional toll on you. Here are some common emotional challenges that caregivers face and some tips on how to cope with them.

Dealing with Stress and Caregiver Burnout

Caregiving can be stressful, and it’s important to recognize when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Signs of stress can include feeling irritable or anxious, having trouble sleeping or experiencing physical symptoms like headaches or stomach problems.

To cope with stress, try to take breaks when you can, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Take deep breaths, go for a walk, or listen to some calming music. It’s also important to take care of your physical health by eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. These things are necessary and not luxuries.

If you’re feeling burnt out, it may be time to ask for help. Consider enlisting the help of other family members or hiring a professional caregiver. It’s important to take care of yourself to continue providing the best care for your loved one.

Coping with Guilt and Grief

As a caregiver, you may experience feelings of guilt or grief. Guilt can arise from feeling like you’re not doing enough for your loved one or from taking time for yourself. Grief can come from watching your loved one’s health decline or from anticipating their death.

To cope with guilt, try to remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. It’s also important to take breaks and take care of yourself so that you can continue to provide care for your loved one.

To cope with grief, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings and seek support from friends, family, or a support group. It’s also important to take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep.

Remember, it’s normal to experience a range of emotions as a caregiver. By taking care of yourself and seeking support when you need it, you can better cope with the emotional toll of caregiving. Guilt and grief are normal feelings that you will experience. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable when you feel guilty. Hell, acknowledge what you are feeling. You don’t have to “fix it.”

Financial Challenges for Family Caregivers

Being a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience, but it can also be a challenging and costly one. In addition to the time and emotional commitment required, caregiving can take a toll on your finances. Here are some common financial challenges that family caregivers face and some tips on how to manage them.

Navigating Insurance and Benefits

One of the biggest financial challenges for family caregivers is navigating insurance and benefits. It can be difficult to know what is covered by insurance and what is not. It’s important to understand your loved one’s insurance coverage and benefits, including what is covered by Medicare, Medicaid, or private insurance. You may also want to consider hiring a professional to help you navigate the insurance system.

Managing Expenses and Budgeting

Another financial challenge for family caregivers is managing expenses and budgeting. Caregiving can be expensive, and it’s important to plan ahead and budget accordingly. Some expenses to consider include medical bills, medications, transportation costs, and home modifications. You may also need to factor in lost wages if you need to take time off work to care for your loved one.

To manage expenses and budget effectively, consider creating a caregiving budget. This can help you keep track of your expenses and ensure that you have enough money to cover all of your caregiving costs. You may also want to consider seeking financial assistance or support from government programs, community organizations, or non-profit organizations.

In conclusion, being a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience, but it can also be a financial burden. By understanding your loved one’s insurance coverage and benefits and managing your expenses and budget effectively, you can help alleviate some of the financial stress associated with caregiving.

Balancing Caregiving with Other Responsibilities

Caring for a loved one can be a rewarding experience, but it can also be challenging, especially when you have other responsibilities to attend to. Balancing caregiving with other responsibilities like your career, family, and friends can be difficult, but it is not impossible. Here are some tips to help you maintain a balance between caregiving and other responsibilities.

Maintaining Work-Life Balance

Maintaining a work-life balance is crucial when you are a family caregiver. We hear that all the time, and it is the best term that we have, right now. I look at work-life balance in this way, sometimes life needs more of my attention and sometimes work needs more of my attention. The balance comes into play in the overall picture. It is important to set boundaries and communicate your needs with your employer. You may need to adjust your work schedule or take time off to attend to your caregiving responsibilities. You may also want to consider working from home or finding a job that offers more flexibility.

Supporting Other Family Members

Caring for a loved one can also impact other family members. It is important to communicate with your family members and share the responsibilities of caregiving. You can create a caregiving schedule that outlines each family member’s responsibilities and ensures that everyone is on the same page. You can also delegate specific tasks to family members based on their strengths and availability.

When balancing caregiving with other responsibilities, it is important to take care of yourself. Make sure to take breaks, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. You may also want to consider joining a support group or seeking professional help to manage stress and anxiety.

Remember that caregiving can be a challenging experience, but it can also be rewarding. By balancing caregiving with other responsibilities and taking care of yourself, you can provide the best possible care for your loved one while still maintaining a fulfilling life. Make time for your spouse or significant other on a regular basis. Nurture and enjoy that relationship a minimum of once a week.

Navigating the Healthcare System

As a family caregiver, navigating the healthcare system can be overwhelming and stressful. You may feel like you’re constantly advocating for your loved one and trying to understand complex medical terminology and procedures. Here are some tips to help you navigate the healthcare system with confidence.

Advocating for Your Loved One

As a family caregiver, you are your loved one’s advocate. It’s important to speak up and ask questions to ensure that your loved one is receiving the best possible care. Here are some tips to help you advocate for your loved one:

  • Be prepared: Before appointments or procedures, write down any questions or concerns you have. Bring a list of medications, allergies, and medical history to share with healthcare providers.
  • Be assertive: Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel like your loved one’s needs aren’t being met. Ask for clarification if you don’t understand something, and don’t be afraid to ask for a second opinion if necessary.
  • Keep records: Keep track of appointments, test results, and medications. This will help you stay organized and ensure that you have all the information you need to make informed decisions.

Understanding Medical Terminology and Procedures

Medical terminology and procedures can be confusing and overwhelming. Here are some tips to help you understand what’s going on:

  • Ask for explanations: Don’t be afraid to ask healthcare providers to explain medical terminology or procedures in plain language. Ask for visual aids or diagrams if necessary.
  • Do your research: Look up medical terms or procedures online, but be sure to use reputable sources.
  • Take notes: Write down important information, such as test results, diagnoses, and treatment plans. This will help you remember important details and stay organized.

Remember, you are not alone. There are resources available to help you navigate the healthcare system, such as support groups and patient advocates. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Addressing Legal Issues

Being a family caregiver can be stressful and overwhelming, especially when it comes to legal issues. Knowing how to navigate these challenges can help you provide better care for your loved one. Here are some legal issues you may encounter and how to address them:

Power of Attorney and Guardianship

When your loved one is no longer able to make decisions for themselves, you may need to obtain power of attorney or guardianship. Power of attorney gives you the legal authority to make decisions on behalf of your loved one, while guardianship gives you the legal authority to make decisions and take actions on behalf of your loved one, including financial and healthcare decisions.

To obtain power of attorney or guardianship, you may need to go through a legal process, which can be complicated and time-consuming. It’s important to consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law to ensure that you are following the correct procedures and that your loved one’s rights are protected.

Estate Planning and End-of-Life Decisions

Estate planning involves creating a plan for the distribution of your loved one’s assets after they pass away. This can include creating a will, setting up trusts, and designating beneficiaries. It’s important to involve an attorney who specializes in estate planning to ensure that your loved one’s wishes are carried out and that their assets are distributed according to their wishes.

End-of-life decisions can be difficult to discuss, but it’s important to have these conversations with your loved one to ensure that their wishes are respected. This can include discussing their preferences for medical treatment, including life-sustaining treatment, and creating advance directives, such as a living will or healthcare power of attorney.

It’s important to involve your loved one in these discussions and decisions as much as possible, while also respecting their wishes and autonomy. These conversations can be emotional and difficult, but they can also provide peace of mind for both you and your loved one.

In conclusion, legal issues can be complex and overwhelming for family caregivers. It’s important to seek out the advice of an attorney who specializes in elder law or estate planning to ensure that you are following the correct procedures and that your loved one’s wishes are respected. Having these difficult conversations and making these decisions can be emotional, but they can also provide peace of mind for you and your loved one.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some common challenges faced by family caregivers?

As a family caregiver, you may face a variety of challenges. Some of the most common challenges include managing your time, dealing with stress and anxiety, navigating complex medical issues, and finding support. It can be overwhelming to juggle caregiving responsibilities with other aspects of your life, such as work and personal relationships.

What is the biggest challenge for caregivers?

The biggest challenge for caregivers can vary depending on the situation. However, many caregivers report that the emotional toll of caregiving is the most difficult aspect. Watching a loved one struggle with illness or disability can be heartbreaking, and it can be challenging to balance your own needs with those of the person you are caring for.

What are the most common stressors for caregivers?

Caregiving can be a stressful experience, and there are many factors that can contribute to this stress. Some of the most common stressors include financial strain, lack of support or resources, feeling overwhelmed or isolated, and dealing with difficult behaviors or personality changes in the person you are caring for.

What kinds of problems can affect the family or significant others of caregivers?

Caregiving can have a ripple effect on the entire family or support system. Family members may experience strain in their own relationships, struggle with feelings of guilt or resentment, or face financial or logistical challenges related to caregiving responsibilities.

What are some strengths and weaknesses of caregivers?

Caregivers often demonstrate a wide range of strengths, including compassion, patience, and resourcefulness. However, caregiving can also highlight weaknesses or areas where additional support may be needed. For example, caregivers may struggle with setting boundaries, managing stress, or advocating effectively for their loved one’s needs.

What caregiving tasks do caregivers find uncomfortable?

There are many caregiving tasks that can feel uncomfortable or challenging for caregivers. These can include tasks related to personal care, such as bathing or toileting, as well as tasks related to managing medical needs, such as administering medications or managing complex treatment plans. It’s important to communicate openly with your loved one and healthcare providers about any tasks that feel uncomfortable or overwhelming and to seek support when needed.

When it is time for guidance, moving forward, plans of action, and support…

Email me and let’s see if I am the one to help you. pat@EmpoweringHealthOptions.com

Forward this Newsletter to those that may benefit from this information.

What Are the Effects of Alzheimer’s Disease on Daily Life?

Posted on June 7, 2023 by - Alzheimer's

Living with Alzheimer’s disease or any dementia can be a challenging experience that affects not only the person with the disease but also their loved ones. The disease causes a gradual decline in cognitive function, which can lead to difficulties in carrying out everyday tasks. As a result, people with Alzheimer’s disease often require assistance with activities that were once second nature to them, such as dressing, bathing, and preparing meals.

What does this mysterious phrase “cognitive function” mean or entail? The mental processes of perception, learning, memory, understanding, awareness, reasoning, judgment, intuition, and language. That is a whole lot of stuff. You can see how the aspects of daily life will change as the decline progresses. They will need help with daily activities. The person living with any type of dementia is having brain failure. 

One of the most significant ways Alzheimer’s disease affects day-to-day life is through memory loss. You or your loved one may find yourself forgetting important appointments, misplacing items, or struggling to remember the names of people you’ve known for years. This can be frustrating and overwhelming, and it may require you to rely on others for help with tasks that you used to do independently. Also, Alzheimer’s disease can cause changes in mood and behavior, which can make it challenging to interact with others and maintain relationships. 

Impact on Daily Activities Because of Dementia

Living with Alzheimer’s disease can be challenging, especially when it comes to completing daily activities. Here are some of the ways that Alzheimer’s can impact your day-to-day life.

Difficulties with Basic Tasks

As Alzheimer’s disease progresses, you may find it increasingly difficult to complete basic tasks. For example, you may struggle to brush your teeth, get dressed, or prepare a meal. You may forget how to use common household items, such as the stove or microwave. You may also have trouble with fine motor skills, such as buttoning a shirt or tying your shoes.

To help you manage these difficulties, you may want to consider using tools and equipment that can make tasks easier. For example, you may want to use adaptive clothing that is easier to put on and take off, or you may want to use utensils with larger handles that are easier to grip.

Communication Challenges

Alzheimer’s disease can also make it difficult to communicate with others. You may struggle to find the right words, or you may forget what you were trying to say. You may also have trouble following a conversation or understanding what others are saying to you.

To help you communicate more effectively, you may want to consider using visual aids, such as pictures or diagrams, to help you express yourself. You may also want to practice active listening techniques, such as repeating back what someone has said to you, to ensure that you have understood them correctly. 

It is time to make sure your vision and hearing are as good as they can be.

Memory Loss

One of the most challenging aspects of Alzheimer’s disease is memory loss. You may forget important dates, such as birthdays or anniversaries, or you may forget how to perform tasks that you used to do with ease. You may also forget the names of people you know well or the places you have been.

To help you cope with memory loss, you may want to consider using memory aids, such as calendars or reminder notes, to help you remember important information. You may also want to practice memory exercises, such as repeating back a list of items, to help improve your memory skills.

Living with Alzheimer’s disease can be difficult, but there are ways to manage the challenges that come with it. By using tools and techniques to help you complete daily activities, communicate more effectively, and cope with memory loss, you can continue to live the best quality of life possible. 

Emotional and Behavioral Changes

Living with Alzheimer’s disease can be a challenging experience, not only for the person affected but also for their family and caregivers. Emotional and behavioral changes are common in people with Alzheimer’s disease, and they can have a significant impact on day-to-day life.

Depression and Anxiety

It is not uncommon for people with Alzheimer’s disease to experience depression and anxiety. You may feel sad, hopeless, and lose interest in activities that you once enjoyed. Anxiety can also cause you to feel restless, agitated, and worried. These emotional changes can be caused by the disease itself, or they can be a reaction to the changes that are happening in your life.

To cope with depression and anxiety, it is important to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. They can help you manage your symptoms with medication or therapy. You can also try some self-care techniques, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones.

Agitation and Aggression

Agitation and aggression are common behavioral changes in people with Alzheimer’s disease. You may become easily agitated or frustrated, and you may lash out at others. This can be caused by a variety of factors, such as confusion, fear, or frustration.

To manage agitation and aggression, it is important to identify what triggers these behaviors. Keeping a journal can help you identify patterns and triggers. You can also try to redirect your attention to a calming activity, such as listening to music or taking a walk. If these techniques do not work, your doctor may prescribe medication to help manage your symptoms.

Social Withdrawal

Social withdrawal is another common emotional and behavioral change in people with Alzheimer’s disease. You may feel overwhelmed by social situations and prefer to be alone. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can worsen your symptoms. Continue going out to eat or over to a friend’s house. Staying emotionally and socially engaged for as long as possible will improve quality of life. 

To combat social withdrawal, it is important to stay connected with loved ones and engage in social activities. This can include joining a support group or participating in a hobby that you enjoy. You can also try to maintain a routine, which can help you feel more in control of your life.

In conclusion, emotional and behavioral changes are common in people with Alzheimer’s disease and can have a significant impact on day-to-day life. By identifying triggers and using coping techniques, you can manage these changes and improve your quality of life.

Caregiving Challenges for People with Dementia

Taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s disease can be a difficult and challenging task. It requires a lot of patience, understanding, and compassion. As a caregiver, you will face many challenges that will test your physical, emotional, and financial strength. Not everyone can be a caregiver. 

Physical Demands

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease can be physically demanding. You may need to help them with everyday tasks such as bathing, dressing, and eating. You may also need to assist them with walking, getting in and out of bed, and using the bathroom. This can be physically exhausting, especially if you are doing it alone.

To make things easier, you can use assistive devices such as a wheelchair, walker, or cane. You can also ask for help from family members, friends, or professional caregivers. It is important to take care of yourself and get enough rest and exercise to avoid burnout.

Emotional Toll

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease can take a toll on your emotional well-being. You may feel overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious. You may also feel guilty, frustrated, and sad. It is normal to have these feelings, but it is important to seek help and support when you need it.

You can join a support group for caregivers, talk to a therapist, or seek help from family and friends. Taking care of yourself and finding ways to cope with your emotions can help you become a better caregiver.

Financial Burden

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease can also be a financial burden. You may need to pay for medical expenses, medications, and home care services. You may also need to take time off work to care for your loved one, which can result in lost wages.

To ease the financial burden, you can look for financial assistance programs, such as Medicaid, Medicare, or veteran’s benefits. You can also talk to your employer about flexible work arrangements, such as working from home or taking a leave of absence.

In conclusion, caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease can be challenging, but it is also rewarding. By taking care of yourself and seeking help when you need it, you can become a better caregiver and improve the quality of life for your loved one.

Treatment and Support

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, it’s important to know that there are treatment options and support available to help manage the symptoms and improve quality of life.

Medications and Therapies

There are several medications available that can help slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease and improve cognitive function. These medications work by increasing the levels of certain chemicals in the brain that are involved in memory and learning. Your doctor may also recommend various therapies, such as occupational therapy or speech therapy, to help manage the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease.

Support Groups and Resources

Living with Alzheimer’s disease can be challenging, both for the person with the disease and for their caregivers. Support groups can provide a safe and supportive environment to share experiences and learn from others who are going through similar situations. There are also many resources available, such as the Alzheimer’s Association, that offer information, education, and support for people with Alzheimer’s disease and their families.

Long-term Planning

As Alzheimer’s disease progresses, it’s important to have a plan in place for the future. This may include making legal and financial arrangements, such as setting up a power of attorney or creating a living will. It’s also important to discuss long-term care options, such as assisted living or nursing homes, with your loved ones and healthcare providers.

Overall, while there is currently no cure for Alzheimer’s disease, there are treatment options and support available to help manage the symptoms and improve quality of life. It’s important to work closely with your healthcare team and take advantage of the resources available to you.

Options for Caregivers Not Eligible for Family Medical Leave Act

Posted on June 1, 2023 by - Caregiver Information

Sometimes work needs more of your time and sometimes family needs more of your time.

May 31, 2023

If you are not eligible for Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and have to take time off to care for a loved one, you may feel overwhelmed and unsure of your options. While FMLA provides eligible employees job protection and unpaid leave, not everyone meets the criteria. However, you can still take some steps to ensure you are not unfairly penalized for taking time off to care for a loved one.

First, check if your employer offers any other leave options, such as paid time off, sick leave, or personal leave. Some employers may also have policies in place that allow for flexible work arrangements, such as telecommuting or reduced hours. If these options are available, discuss them with your supervisor and HR department to see if they can accommodate your needs.

Even if the answer is, “no,” you may have brought something to their attention. When enough people bring these types of issues to the forefront, things will have to be done or they will be losing good employees. Let’s be honest, when it hits the higher-ups, things seem to get taken more seriously.

If your employer does not offer any leave options or flexible work arrangements, you may be able to use the Family and Medical Leave Insurance (FMLI) program, which is available in some states. FMLI provides paid leave to eligible employees who need to take time off to care for a seriously ill family member or bond with a new child. Check with your state’s labor department or HR department to see if you are eligible for FMLI (Family and Medical Leave Insurance).

Tennessee has a bill started that allows this type of insurance. Unfortunately, it takes time and people to push for the bill.

Understanding the Family Medical Leave Act

If you are not eligible for Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and have to take time off to care for a loved one, it can be challenging to navigate the legal requirements and benefits of the law. Here is what you need to know about FMLA:

What is FMLA?

The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a federal law that provides eligible employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year for specific family and medical reasons. FMLA applies to all public agencies, public and private elementary and secondary schools, and companies with 50 or more employees. The law allows employees to take leave for various reasons, including the birth and care of a newborn child, the adoption or foster care placement of a child, caring for a spouse, child, or parent with a serious health condition, and the employee’s own serious health condition that makes them unable to work.

Who is eligible for FMLA?

To be eligible for FMLA, you must meet the following criteria:

  • You have worked for your employer for at least 12 months.
  • You have worked at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months leading up to the FMLA leave of absence.
  • You work at a location with at least 50 employees or there must be at least 50 employees within 75 miles of your worksite.

What are the benefits of FMLA?

The benefits of FMLA include:

  • Job protection: FMLA requires that your employer maintains your job or an equivalent position with the same pay, benefits, and working conditions when you return from leave.
  • Health insurance: During your FMLA leave, your employer must maintain your health insurance benefits as if you were working.
  • Leave duration: FMLA provides eligible employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year.

It is important to note that FMLA only provides unpaid leave. However, some employers may offer paid leave or other benefits, so it is essential to check your employer’s policies and benefits.

Alternative Options for Time Off

Paid Time Off

If you are not eligible for FMLA, but your employer provides paid time off, you can use this benefit to take time off to care for a loved one. Check with your employer to see if you have any paid time off available and if it can be used for caregiving purposes.

Sick Leave

If you or your loved one is sick, you may be able to use sick leave to take time off from work. Some employers offer paid sick leave as a benefit, while others may require you to use your vacation or personal time off. Check with your employer to see if you have any sick leave available and if it can be used for caregiving purposes.

Vacation Time

If you have vacation time available, you can use it to take time off to care for a loved one. Check with your employer to see if you have any vacation time available and if it can be used for caregiving purposes.

Personal Days

Some employers offer personal days as a benefit. Personal days can be used for any reason, including caregiving. Check with your employer to see if you have any personal days available and if they can be used for caregiving purposes.

Unpaid Time Off

If none of the above options are available to you, you can consider taking unpaid time off from work to care for a loved one. While this may be a difficult decision to make, it may be necessary to ensure that your loved one receives the care they need. It’s important to note that some states and cities have their own laws regarding paid leave for caregiving purposes. Check with your state or city’s labor department to see if you are eligible for any additional benefits.

Other Resources for Caregivers

Employee Assistance Programs

If you are not eligible for the Family and Medical Leave Act, you may want to check if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). EAPs provide confidential counseling, support, and resources to employees and their families. Some EAPs may even offer referrals to local caregiver support groups and community resources. Contact your HR department to find out if your employer offers an EAP.

Caregiver Support Groups

Caregiver support groups can provide emotional support, practical advice, and a sense of community. These groups can be found online or in-person and may be organized by disease or condition, age group, or location. Some support groups may also offer educational resources and guest speakers. Check with local hospitals, senior centers, and community organizations to find caregiver support groups in your area.

Community Resources

There are many community resources available to caregivers, such as meal delivery services, transportation assistance, and home modification programs. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Aging and Disability Resource Center to learn more about the services available in your community. Check online or use the Senior Services Directory for your area. 

Respite Care

Taking care of a loved one can be a full-time job, and taking breaks is important to avoid burnout. Respite care provides temporary relief for caregivers by allowing them to take time off while their loved one receives care from a professional or volunteer. Respite care can be provided in the home, at a day program, or in a residential facility. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Aging and Disability Resource Center to learn more about respite care options in your area.

Conclusion

If you are not eligible for the Family Medical Leave Act and need to take time off to care for a loved one, options are still available. It may require some creativity and flexibility, but you can make it work with the right resources and support.

First, consider talking to your employer about your situation. While they may not be required to offer you leave under FMLA, they may be willing to work with you to find a solution. This could include allowing you to take unpaid time off, working from home, or adjusting your schedule to accommodate your caregiving responsibilities.

Another option is to look into state and local leave laws. Some states have their own family leave laws that provide job protection and other benefits to employees who need time off to care for a loved one. You can check with your state’s labor department or an employment lawyer to see if you qualify for any of these programs.

Finally, you may want to consider using your sick leave or vacation time to care for your loved one. While this may not be ideal, it can provide you with the time you need to care for your loved one without jeopardizing your job or income.

Remember, caring for a loved one is an important responsibility, and you should not have to choose between your job and your family. By exploring your options and seeking out support, you can find a way to balance both.

Understand the Basics of the Family Leave Medical Act (FMLA)

Posted on May 25, 2023 by - Caregiver Tools

While I worked at a chain drugstore, I had access to FMLA, if I needed it. Now, that I work for myself, I no longer have that benefit. Those of you that work for small companies, (less than 50 employees) are in the same boat that I am in. We are screwed, if we need to take time off to handle our own medical needs, the medical needs of a loved one, maternity/paternity needs, etc. This is another reason to have three months of money saved or easily accessible. Start saving $25 to $50 a paycheck, pay yourself, just like it is another bill and leave it alone. Put it in a special bank account or get a fireproof safe and place it in there. Check your progress in three months. Readjust, if you must, but do not stop and DO NOT spend it. It is for ABSOLUTE emergencies only.

For those of you that have access to FMLA, what follows is a basic overview and probably a reminder, that you do have access to this benefit.

Overview of FMLA

If you are an employee and need to take time off work for a personal or family medical reason, the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) may provide you with job-protected leave. The FMLA is a federal law that entitles eligible employees of covered employers to take unpaid, job-protected leave for specified family and medical reasons with continuation of group health insurance coverage under the same terms and conditions as if the employee had not taken leave.

Under the FMLA, eligible employees are entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in a 12-month period for qualifying life events. These events include the birth or adoption of a child, caring for a spouse, child, or parent with a serious health condition, or when the employee is unable to work due to a serious health condition. Additionally, the FMLA allows eligible employees to take leave for qualifying demands related to the military service of a spouse, child, or parent, or to care for a covered service member with a serious injury or illness.

It is important to note that not all employers are covered by the FMLA. Covered employers include private sector employers who employ 50 or more employees, public agencies, and public or private elementary or secondary schools. Additionally, employees must meet certain eligibility requirements to be covered by the FMLA, including having worked for the employer for at least 12 months and having worked at least 1,250 hours in the 12 months preceding the start of the FMLA leave.

Eligibility Requirements

If you are interested in taking advantage of the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), you must meet certain eligibility requirements. First and foremost, you must work for a covered employer. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, covered employers include:

  • All public agencies
  • All public and private elementary and secondary schools
  • Companies with 50 or more employees

If you work for a covered employer, you must also meet the following requirements:

  • You must have worked for your employer for at least 12 months.
  • You must have worked at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of your FMLA leave.
  • Your employer must employ at least 50 employees within a 75-mile radius of your worksite.

It’s important to note that if you work for the federal government, you may be eligible for FMLA leave under the FMLA regulations for federal employees. These regulations are administered by the U.S. Office of Personnel Management.

If you meet these eligibility requirements, you may be entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave during any 12-month period for the following purposes:

  • The birth of a child and to care for the newborn child within one year of birth
  • The placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care and to care for the newly placed child within one year of placement
  • To care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition
  • To take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition
  • For qualifying exigencies arising out of the fact that the employee’s spouse, son, daughter, or parent is a covered military member on “covered active duty;”
  • To care for a covered service member with a serious injury or illness if the employee is the spouse, son, daughter, parent, or next of kin of the service member (Military Caregiver Leave)

How to Apply for FMLA Leave

If you are eligible for Family and Medical Leave (FMLA), you can apply for it by following the steps outlined below.

Documentation Required

To apply for FMLA, you will need to provide your employer with a medical certification form completed by your healthcare provider. This form will verify that you or your family member has a serious health condition that requires your care, or that you need to take time off for your own serious health condition. You must submit this form to your employer within 15 calendar days of receiving it.

Timing of Leave

You must provide your employer with at least 30 days’ notice before you plan to take FMLA leave, if the need for leave is foreseeable. If the need for leave is not foreseeable, you must provide notice as soon as possible. Your employer may require you to provide additional information about your need for leave, such as a statement explaining why you need leave and how long you expect to be away from work.

Intermittent Leave (Take leave every now and then or at intervals)

If you need to take FMLA leave intermittently, you should work with your employer to develop a schedule that meets your needs while minimizing the impact on your employer’s operations. You may also be required to provide your employer with periodic updates on your condition and your need for leave.

Remember, if you are eligible for FMLA, you have the right to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in a 12-month period for certain qualifying reasons. By following the steps outlined above, you can ensure that you receive the leave you are entitled to.

Protections and Benefits

Job Protection

 When you return to work, your employer must provide you with the same or an equivalent position. If your employer violates your FMLA rights, you can file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Labor’s Wage and Hour Division.

Health Insurance

If you are enrolled in a group health insurance plan, your employer must maintain your coverage during your FMLA leave. You must continue to pay your share of the premiums while you are on leave. If you do not return to work after your FMLA leave, your employer may require you to reimburse them for the premiums they paid to maintain your coverage during your leave.

Accrued Leave

You can use your accrued paid leave, such as sick leave or vacation time, to cover part or all of your FMLA leave. Your employer may require you to use your accrued leave before taking unpaid FMLA leave. If you do not have any accrued leave, you can still take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid.

Overall, FMLA provides important protections and benefits for eligible employees who need to take leave for family or medical reasons. If you are eligible, you should be sure to understand your rights and how to properly request and take FMLA leave.

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are some frequently asked questions about the Family and Medical Leave Act:

  • Who is eligible for FMLA?

You are eligible for FMLA if you work for a covered employer and have worked for the employer for at least 12 months. Additionally, you must have worked at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months before taking leave.

  • What reasons qualify for FMLA?

You can take FMLA leave for any of the following reasons:

  • Your own serious health condition that makes you unable to perform your job
  • To care for a spouse, child, or parent with a serious health condition
  • The birth or adoption of a child
  • To care for a newborn child within one year of birth
  • For qualifying exigencies related to a family member’s military service
  • To care for a covered service member with a serious injury or illness
  • How much leave can I take under FMLA?

You can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in a 12-month period for FMLA-qualifying reasons. If you need additional time off, you may be eligible for other types of leave, such as sick leave or vacation time.

  • Do I get paid during FMLA leave?

No, FMLA leave is unpaid. However, you may be able to use any accrued paid leave, such as sick leave or vacation time, to cover part or all of your FMLA leave.

  • What happens to my health insurance during FMLA leave?

Your employer is required to maintain your health insurance while you are on FMLA leave. You will be responsible for paying your portion of the premiums, just as you would if you were still working.

  • Do I have job protection during FMLA leave?

Yes, you have job protection during FMLA leave. When you return from leave, your employer must restore you to your original job or a similar job with the same pay, benefits, and working conditions.

Conclusion

Now that you better understand the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), you can determine if you are eligible for this benefit and how to apply for it. 

Remember that FMLA is designed to help employees balance their work and family responsibilities by allowing them to take reasonable unpaid leave for certain family and medical reasons. If you believe that your employer is violating your FMLA rights, you can file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Labor’s Wage and Hour Division.

Is Your Diagnosis a Chronic Illness?

Posted on May 17, 2023 by - Chronic Illness Diagnosis

If you are experiencing persistent symptoms that don’t seem to go away, you may be suffering from a chronic illness. Chronic illnesses are long-term conditions that can affect your overall health and quality of life. They can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, lifestyle, and environmental factors. Some chronic diseases are more common than others and can affect people of all ages and backgrounds.

There are many types of chronic illnesses, each with its unique signs and symptoms. Some of the most common chronic illnesses include diabetes, heart disease, chronic pain, and chronic fatigue syndrome. These conditions can be debilitating and can significantly impact your daily life. It’s important to be aware of the signs and symptoms so that you can seek treatment and manage your condition effectively.

Common Chronic Diseases

If you are experiencing symptoms that have been persisting for a long time, you may have a chronic illness. Always see your doctor for a chronic disease diagnosis and to help you manage your disease.  Here are some of the most common chronic illnesses:

Diabetes

Diabetes is a chronic illness where your body cannot regulate blood sugar levels properly. There are two types of diabetes: type 1 and type 2. Type 1 diabetes is usually diagnosed in childhood and is caused by the pancreas not producing enough insulin. Type 2 diabetes is usually diagnosed in adults and is caused by the body becoming resistant to insulin.

Common symptoms of diabetes include increased thirst, frequent urination, fatigue, and blurred vision. I

Arthritis

Arthritis is a chronic illness that affects the joints in your body. There are many different types of arthritis, but the most common types are osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis. Osteoarthritis is caused by wear and tear on the joints, while rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disorder.

Common symptoms of arthritis include joint pain, stiffness, and swelling. 

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)

COPD is a chronic disease that affects the lungs. It is usually caused by smoking or exposure to air pollution. Common symptoms of COPD include shortness of breath, coughing, and wheezing.

Heart Disease

Heart disease is a chronic illness that affects the heart and blood vessels. There are many different types of heart disease, but the most common type is coronary artery disease. This is caused by a buildup of plaque in the arteries that supply blood to the heart.

Common symptoms of heart disease include chest pain, shortness of breath, and fatigue. 

Chronic Kidney Disease

Chronic kidney disease is a chronic illness that affects the kidneys. It is usually caused by high blood pressure or diabetes. Common symptoms of chronic kidney disease include fatigue, swelling in the legs and ankles, and changes in urination.

Less Common Chronic Illnesses

Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a disorder that causes widespread pain, fatigue, and tenderness in muscles, tendons, and joints. Other symptoms may include headaches, sleep disturbances, and irritable bowel syndrome. It is a chronic condition that affects more women than men, and the exact cause is unknown.

Diagnosis of fibromyalgia can be challenging as there is no specific test for it. Doctors may rely on a physical exam, medical history, and ruling out other conditions with similar symptoms. Treatment may involve a combination of medication, exercise, and stress management techniques.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) is a complex disorder characterized by extreme fatigue that does not improve with rest and is not caused by an underlying medical condition. Other symptoms may include muscle pain, headaches, and difficulty concentrating. The cause of CFS is unknown, and there is no cure.

Treatment for CFS may involve a combination of medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and graded exercise therapy.

Lupus

Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that can affect various parts of the body, including the skin, joints, and organs. Symptoms may include fatigue, joint pain, skin rashes, and fever. The cause of lupus is unknown, but it is believed to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Treatment for lupus may involve medication to manage symptoms and prevent flare-ups. 

Crohn’s Disease

Crohn’s Disease is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease that affects the digestive tract. Symptoms may include abdominal pain, diarrhea, and weight loss. The cause of Crohn’s Disease is unknown, but it is believed to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Treatment for Crohn’s Disease may involve medication, dietary changes, and surgery in severe cases.

Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is a chronic autoimmune disease that affects the central nervous system. Symptoms may include muscle weakness, difficulty with coordination and balance, and vision problems. The cause of MS is unknown, but it is believed to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Treatment for MS may involve medication to manage symptoms and slow the progression of the disease. 

Signs and Symptoms

Physical Symptoms

If you are experiencing chronic illness, you may be experiencing a variety of physical symptoms. These symptoms can vary depending on the type of illness you have. Some common physical symptoms include:

  • Pain in different parts of the body
  • Fatigue or exhaustion
  • Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
  • Headaches or migraines
  • Joint stiffness or pain
  • Swelling or inflammation in different parts of the body
  • Nausea or vomiting
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Changes in appetite or weight loss/gain

It is important to note that these symptoms can be caused by a variety of factors and may not necessarily indicate a chronic disease. However, if you are experiencing any of these symptoms on a regular basis, it is important to speak with your healthcare provider to determine the underlying cause. 

Psychological Symptoms

In addition to physical symptoms, chronic illness can also cause psychological or emotional symptoms. These symptoms can be just as debilitating as physical symptoms and can include: 

  • Depression or anxiety
  • Difficulty sleeping or insomnia
  • Difficulty concentrating or memory issues
  • Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness
  • Irritability or mood swings
  • Changes in behavior or personality

It is important to note that psychological symptoms can be caused by a variety of factors and may not necessarily indicate a chronic illness. However, if you are experiencing any of these symptoms on a regular basis, it is important to speak with your healthcare provider to determine the underlying cause. In conclusion, chronic illness can cause a variety of physical and psychological or emotional symptoms that can impact your daily life. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it is important to speak with your healthcare provider to determine the underlying cause and develop an appropriate treatment plan. 

What is Considered a Chronic Illness?

Posted on May 10, 2023 by - Uncategorized

If you have been diagnosed with an illness, you may be wondering what exactly qualifies as a chronic illness. In general, a chronic illness is a condition that persists for a long period of time, typically longer than three months. These conditions often require ongoing medical care and can significantly impact your daily life. You may also hear the terms chronic conditions or chronic disease, as well.

Examples of chronic illnesses include diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and asthma. These conditions can be managed, but they typically cannot be cured. Chronic illnesses can also include mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety and migraine. These conditions may not be visible to others, but they can still have a significant impact on your life and require ongoing care. Remember, just because you cannot visibly see some chronic diseases does not mean that things aren’t happening inside the body. People do tend to forget that fact. 

Chronic conditions often are not visible and a lot of people are misdiagnosed or not diagnosed for years. These folks seek help and sometimes their symptoms are dismissed and sometimes they are thought of as crazy, a hypochondriac, or simply a complainer. You know your body better than anyone else. You know when you are either “not right” or “something is wrong.” Sometimes healthcare providers do not have the answers. Sometimes tests show nothing abnormal, but that doesn’t mean you are fine. Just because your tests may be in the “normal range” does not mean that they are optimal for you. You need to be your own advocate and keep pressing for answers. Rarely do physicians tell you that they don’t know what is going on. I actually respect physicians more if they do state that they don’t know but are going to either try to find out or send you to another physician. 

It’s important to note that not all long-term conditions are considered chronic illnesses. Some conditions, such as pregnancy or a broken bone, may require ongoing care but are not considered chronic illnesses. Additionally, some conditions may be considered chronic if they persist for a year or more, while others may be considered chronic if they significantly impact your daily life, even if they do not last for a year. 

Physical Chronic Diseases

If you have a physical chronic disease, it means that you have a long-term condition that affects your body’s physical functioning. These illnesses can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, lifestyle choices, and environmental factors. Some examples of physical chronic illnesses include:

  • Asthma
  • Arthritis
  • Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • High blood pressure
  • Multiple sclerosis
  • Rheumatoid arthritis

These conditions can have a significant impact on your daily life. They can cause pain, fatigue, and other symptoms that can make it difficult to perform everyday tasks. Treatment for physical chronic illnesses often includes medication, lifestyle changes, and other therapies.

Mental Health Chronic Conditions

A physical chronic illness can contribute to a mental health chronic condition, it means that you have a long-term condition that affects your mental health. These illnesses can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, life experiences, and environmental factors. Some examples of mental health chronic conditions include:

  • Anxiety disorders
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Depression
  • Eating disorders
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Schizophrenia

Mental health conditions can have a significant impact on your daily life. They can cause changes in mood, behavior, and thought patterns that can make it difficult to function. Treatment for mental health conditions often includes medication, talk therapy, nutritional changes, exercises, and other interventions.

Causes of Chronic Conditions

Chronic conditions are long-term medical conditions that persist for more than three months and can severely impact your daily life. There are many causes of chronic health conditions, including genetic and environmental factors. Understanding these causes can help you manage your condition and improve your quality of life.

Genetic Factors

 Some chronic illnesses are caused by inherited genetic mutations that affect the body’s ability to function correctly. For example, cystic fibrosis is a chronic illness caused by a genetic mutation that affects the lungs, pancreas, and other organs. Similarly, sickle cell anemia is a chronic illness caused by a genetic mutation that affects the production of red blood cells.

Other chronic illnesses have a genetic component but are also influenced by environmental factors. For example, certain types of cancer, such as breast cancer and colon cancer, can run in families. If you have a family history of these types of cancers, you may be at a higher risk of developing them.

Environmental Factors

Environmental factors can also play a significant role in the development of chronic health conditions. Exposure to toxins, pollutants, and other harmful substances can increase your risk of developing a chronic illness. For example, exposure to asbestos can lead to mesothelioma, a type of cancer that affects the lining of the lungs.

Other environmental factors that can contribute to the development of chronic health conditions include poor nutrition, lack of exercise, and stress. A diet high in sugar, fat, and processed foods can increase your risk of developing chronic illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Lack of exercise can also contribute to the development of these conditions. Stress can also have a negative impact on your health and increase your risk of developing chronic health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disorders.

Symptoms of Chronic Illnesses

Chronic illnesses can be challenging to manage, and their symptoms can vary widely depending on the condition. However, there are some common symptoms that many chronic illnesses share.

Physical Symptoms

Chronic illnesses can cause a range of physical symptoms that can be difficult to manage. Some common physical symptoms include:

  • Pain
  • Fatigue
  • Weakness
  • Dizziness
  • Nausea
  • Shortness of breath
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Loss of appetite
  • Weight loss or gain
  • Swelling
  • Stiffness or limited mobility

These physical symptoms can be challenging to manage and may impact your daily life. It’s essential to work with your healthcare provider to develop a treatment plan that addresses your symptoms and helps you manage your condition.

Mental Symptoms

Chronic health conditions can also impact your mental health, and many people with chronic illnesses experience mental health symptoms such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Stress
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Memory loss
  • Brain fog

Mental health symptoms can be just as challenging to manage as physical symptoms, and it’s essential to address them as part of your overall treatment plan. Your healthcare provider may recommend therapy, medication, or other treatments to help you manage your mental symptoms.

Diagnosis of Chronic Illnesses

I wish that I could tell you that medical tests or mental health evaluations can diagnose all conditions, but they can’t. It is called the practice of medicine. There are no absolutes. The best approach includes listening to the patient and understanding that they are trying their best to describe what is happening. Often patients don’t know what is relevant or not relevant. Healthcare providers need to be curious and ask questions and repeat back what they have heard to be sure they understand what the patient is trying to tell them. You and your healthcare provider need to work as a team. 

Sometimes a diagnosis can only occur after ruling other things out. Sometimes you may not get a diagnosis, but you work on treating the symptoms, if at all possible.  If you have not gotten a diagnosis, there are still things you can do to help yourself and improve your quality of life. It will take time and some effort on your part, but it can be done. While your lab tests may be in the “normal range,” how are they trending? Compare the current test to the past two or three tests. 

Medical Tests

Depending on your symptoms, your healthcare provider may order blood tests, imaging tests, or other diagnostic tests. Blood tests can help identify specific markers that may be indicative of a chronic illness, while imaging tests can help identify structural abnormalities or damage to organs.

Some common medical tests used to diagnose chronic illnesses include:

  • Blood tests
  • X-rays
  • Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI)
  • Computed tomography (CT) scans
  • Biopsies

Mental Health Evaluation

Chronic health conditions can also have a significant impact on mental health. As such, healthcare providers may conduct a mental health evaluation as part of the diagnostic process. A mental health evaluation can help identify symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions that may be related to your chronic illness.

During a mental health evaluation, your healthcare provider may ask you questions about your mood, sleep patterns, and overall mental health. They may also use standardized tests to assess your mental health and identify any potential mental health conditions.

It is important, to be honest and open during a mental health evaluation. Mental health conditions are common among individuals with chronic illnesses, and seeking treatment for these conditions can help improve your overall quality of life.

Living with Chronic Illnesses

Living with a chronic illness can be challenging, but there are ways to cope that can help you manage your condition and improve your quality of life. Here are some strategies to consider:

Support Groups

Joining a support group can be a great way to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. You can share your feelings and experiences, learn from others, and get emotional support. Support groups can be found online or in person, and they can be led by professionals or peers. 

Self-Care Strategies

Taking care of yourself is important when you have a chronic illness. Here are some self-care strategies to consider:

  • Eat a healthy diet
  • Get regular exercise
  • Get enough sleep
  • Reduce stress
  • Practice relaxation techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing
  • Take your medications as prescribed
  • Manage your symptoms, such as pain or fatigue, with the help of your healthcare provider
  • Stay informed about your illness and treatment options

In addition to these strategies, it’s important to communicate openly with your healthcare provider, ask questions, and stay involved in your care. Working together with your healthcare team can help you manage your condition and improve your quality of life.

How to Comfort Someone Diagnosed with a Scary Illness

Posted on May 3, 2023 by - Scary Diagnosis

When someone you love has been diagnosed with a scary illness, knowing what to say or do can be difficult. You want to be supportive and helpful, but you may also be afraid to say the wrong thing or make things worse. It’s important to remember that everyone’s situation is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question.

First, it’s important to acknowledge the person’s feelings and let them know that you are there for them. You might say something like, “I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I can only imagine how scary this must be for you, but please know that I’m here for you and I want to help in any way that I can.” This lets the person know that you are there to support them and that you are willing to listen if they want to talk about their feelings.

Do not start going on about  all the people you know or have heard that have “scary illness.” What you think they have done or how they are being treated. Do not go to the “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear,” By the way, that is not a true biblical statement, AT ALL. Why do people start comparing or telling what others have gone through or treatment regimens, etc.? Usually, it is because they really do not know what to say or how to act. They don’t understand that they can keep their mouth shut and just sit with the person. Just sit with them and be quiet, let them talk or not talk. It is okay that you feel uncomfortable.

It is difficult to process an unwanted diagnosis. It will take time. Your brain protects you from too much information at one time. It shuts down. It takes time to get your breath back. It takes time to settle down enough to start working on a plan. Always remember what my daddy says, “They said and I heard” are the two biggest liars in the world.

It’s also important to avoid offering unsolicited advice or making assumptions about what the person is going through. Instead, ask them how they are feeling and what you can do to help. They may not know what they need right away, but simply knowing that someone cares can be a comfort in itself. Remember, the most important thing you can do is to be there for them and let them know that they are not alone.

Understanding the Diagnosis

Types of Scary Illnesses

When someone you care about receives a scary diagnosis, it can be difficult to know how to respond. Scary illnesses can include cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, and other related dementias, Parkinson’s disease. Multiple sclerosis, Cancer, Lupus, COPD, Stroke, Diabetes, etc. Any chronic illness can be a scary illness. It is important to remember that each person’s experience with a scary illness is unique, and it is important to provide support that is tailored to the individual’s needs.

Emotional Impact of the Diagnosis

Receiving a scary diagnosis can be an emotional rollercoaster. It is common for individuals to experience a range of emotions, including denial, fear, anger, and sadness. It is important to validate the person’s feelings and provide a safe space for them to express themselves. Did you know that you can validate a person’s feelings even if you disagree with them? It isn’t about you or what you think you would feel. It is about them and what they feel, right at this moment.

  • Denial: It is common for individuals to deny the diagnosis at first. They may feel that it is a mistake or that the doctor is wrong. It is important to be patient and understanding during this stage.
  • Fear: Fear is a natural response to a scary diagnosis. It is important to provide reassurance and support during this time.
  • Anger: Anger is another common response to a scary diagnosis. The person may feel that it is unfair or that they have been dealt a bad hand. It is important to listen to their concerns and validate their feelings.
  • Sadness: Sadness is a natural response to a scary diagnosis. It is important to provide emotional support and encourage the person to seek professional help if needed.

It is important to remember that everyone’s emotional response to a scary diagnosis is different, and it is important to provide support that is tailored to the individual’s needs.

What to Say to Someone That Has Been Diagnosed with a Scary Illness

Receiving a scary diagnosis can be a life-changing experience for anyone. It’s important to be there for your loved one during this difficult time and offer support, practical help, encouragement, and positivity. Here are some things you can say to help them through:

Offering Support

Let your loved one know that you are there for them and that they are not alone. Saying things like:

  • “I’m here for you.”
  • “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
  • “You can count on me.”

These statements show your loved one that you are there to support them and that they can rely on you during this difficult time. Don’t say it, if you don’t mean it.

Practical Help

Offering practical help can be a great way to show your loved one that you care. Some things you can say include:

  • “Let me know if you need help with anything.”
  • “I can help with grocery shopping or cooking meals.”
  • “I can take you to your appointments.”

Offering specific ways to help can be more helpful than just saying “Let me know if you need anything.” Most people are too overwhelmed to think of what needs to be done. What can you do that you don’t mind doing? For example, doing laundry doesn’t bother me so I would offer to do that. Someone else may like to cook and is willing to do that. Still, others may like to clean the house or mow the yard. Do not offer to do something that you hate doing.

Encouragement

Encouraging your loved one can help boost their spirits during this difficult time. Some things you can say include:

  • “You are a strong person, and you can get through this.”
  • “I believe in you.”
  • “You have a great support system, and we are all here for you.”

Encouragement can help your loved one feel more positive and hopeful about their situation. It is perfectly fine to be realistic and still be encouraging at the same time.

Positivity

Staying positive can be difficult when dealing with a scary illness, but it can help your loved one feel better. Some things you can say include:

  • “Let’s focus on the things we can do to make you feel better.”
  • “You are not alone in this.”
  • “We will get through this together.”

Positivity can help your loved one feel more hopeful and less overwhelmed by their diagnosis. Being positive does not mean that we are ignoring reality, but we are choosing to focus on moving forward and doing the best that we can.

What Not to Say

When someone you care about has been diagnosed with a scary illness, it can be difficult to know what to say. While you may have the best intentions, certain phrases can be hurtful or unhelpful. Here are some things to avoid:

Avoiding Cliches and Platitudes

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience with illness is different, so generic phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “you’ll come out stronger on the other side” may not be helpful. While you may be trying to offer comfort, these cliches can come across as dismissive or invalidating. Basically, don’t say those things.

Instead, try to acknowledge the person’s feelings and offer your support. Phrases like “I’m here for you,” “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” or “I can’t imagine how hard this must be” can be more meaningful.

Steering Clear of Unsolicited Advice

While you may be tempted to offer advice or share stories of other people who have gone through a similar experience, it’s important to remember that everyone’s situation is unique. Unsolicited advice can come across as pushy or dismissive of the person’s feelings and experiences. I know that this is hard not to do. I go into “fix it” mode myself and I have to stop myself before opening my big mouth.

Instead, try to listen to what the person is saying and offer support in the way that they need it. If they ask for advice or information, you can provide it, but otherwise, it’s best to avoid offering unsolicited advice.

Remember that the most important thing you can do is to be there for your loved one and offer your support in the way that they need it. Listening, acknowledging their feelings, and offering practical help can be more meaningful than any words you say.

Conclusion

Dealing with a scary illness can be an incredibly difficult and emotional experience for both the patient and their loved ones. It’s important to remember that everyone copes with these situations differently and there is no one right way to handle it.

One of the most important things you can do when someone you know has been diagnosed with a scary illness is to simply be there for them. Offer your support, listen to them, and let them know that you care. Remember that it’s okay to not have all the answers or to not know what to say. Sometimes, just being present is enough.

It’s also important to be mindful of how you communicate with the person who has been diagnosed. Avoid making assumptions or giving unsolicited advice. Instead, ask them how they’re feeling and what you can do to help. Be honest, but also be sensitive to their feelings and emotions. Sometimes, it is better to ask how are things going rather than how they are feeling.

There are also practical things you can do to support someone dealing with a health crisis. Offer to help with everyday tasks like grocery shopping, cooking, or cleaning. You can also help them navigate the healthcare system by accompanying them to doctor’s appointments or helping them research treatment options.

Finally, remember to take care of yourself as well. Supporting someone through a scary illness can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to make sure you’re taking care of your own needs as well. Don’t be afraid to seek out support for yourself if you need it.

Pat

Stages of Accepting a Chronic Illness: A Comprehensive Guide

Posted on April 26, 2023 by - Gettiing to Acceptance

You have just been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. At first, you are in denial and you are probably reeling. What does this mean? How will this impact me and my family? Am I going to die? What will I lose? 

Most of the time you don’t hear anything after being told a diagnosis. Your brain is protecting you. At this moment, you cannot handle or process anything else. Shock, disbelief, and anger are usually what emotions you will deal with first. 

The same thing happens when you or a loved one gets a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, Cancer, or any other life-changing diagnosis. It sucks! Sometimes, you do feel relief because you at least have a diagnosis and now you know. 

The Five Stages of Grief are not only for the death of a loved one. You will go through these stages with a loss of anything. No, they won’t be in order. No, you do not go through them once and then you are done with them. You will keep moving through them or back and forth until you get to acceptance. Even when you get to acceptance, you will go back and forth sometimes. 

Grieve your loss. Explore what your new normal is. Learn how to manage your illness. Never, ever give up hope for feeling better and getting better. Accepting your diagnosis does not mean you give up. 

Coping with a Chronic Illness

Coping with a chronic illness can be a challenging and emotional journey. You may experience a range of emotions, from denial and anger to depression and acceptance. It’s important to understand that these emotions are normal and part of the process of coming to terms with a chronic illness.

The first stage of accepting a chronic illness is denial. You may find it hard to believe that you have a chronic illness or may try to ignore the symptoms. This is a defense mechanism that helps you cope with the shock of the diagnosis. However, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of your situation and seek medical help.

Once you move past denial, you may experience feelings of anger and frustration. You may feel like you’ve been dealt an unfair hand or wonder why this is happening to you. These emotions are normal and can help you process your diagnosis. However, it’s important not to get stuck in this stage and to seek support to help you move forward.

Denial

When you first receive a diagnosis of a chronic illness, it is common to experience a sense of disbelief or denial. You may find yourself thinking, “This can’t be happening to me,” or “There must be some mistake.” This is a natural response to the shock of receiving unexpected news about your health.

During the denial stage, you may feel a sense of detachment from your diagnosis. You may avoid thinking about your illness or refuse to acknowledge that it is a part of your life. It is important to remember that denial is a normal part of the process of accepting a chronic illness. However, it is also important to move through this stage and begin to face the reality of your situation. You will deal with the many effects of a chronic illness. You will feel like you’re on a roller coaster. 

One way to move through the denial stage is to seek out information about your illness. Learning more about your condition can help you to understand what is happening in your body and what you can do to manage your symptoms. It can also help you to feel more in control of your situation and to help you feel empowered. 

Another way to move through the denial stage is to talk to others about your illness. Sharing your feelings with family, friends, or a support group can help you to process your emotions and come to terms with your diagnosis. It can also help you to feel less isolated and alone. I will caution you that it is easy to stay stuck in the complaining stage. You have to be aware of what you are focusing on. What is getting your energy? Are you focusing on actively managing your illness or just bitching about it?

Anger

When you receive a chronic illness diagnosis, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions, including anger. You may feel angry at yourself, the world, or even your loved ones. It’s important to recognize and acknowledge your anger, as it’s a natural part of the grieving process.

During this stage, you may feel frustrated, irritable, or resentful. You may even direct your anger toward your healthcare providers or the people around you. It’s important to remember that your anger is not wrong or bad, but it’s important to express it in a healthy way. Try your best to remember that you are angry at the situation and not those around you. 

One way to manage your anger is to practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation. You can also try a physical activity, such as exercise or yoga, to help release your anger in a healthy way. Additionally, talking to a therapist or joining a support group can provide a safe space to express your anger and work through your emotions. Talk therapy does help you work through these difficult emotions. Learn to manage stress.  

Bargaining

During the bargaining stage, you may try to negotiate with yourself, God, or your higher power, or your healthcare provider to reverse or delay the diagnosis. You may say things like “If only I had done things differently,” or “If I make these changes, then maybe I can avoid this illness.”

It’s important to remember that bargaining is a normal part of the acceptance process. However, it’s also important to recognize that bargaining is often a futile exercise. Chronic illnesses are often not reversible, and delaying treatment can lead to further complications. Ask your doctor what are the next steps. Ask what this chronic illness affects. 

Instead of bargaining, focus on finding ways to manage your illness and improve your quality of life. This may involve making lifestyle changes, seeking support from loved ones or support groups, or working with your healthcare provider to find the best treatment plan for you.

  • Remember that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or frustrated during this stage.
  • Try to focus on what you can control, rather than what you can’t.
  • Be open to trying different coping strategies, such as meditation, therapy, or journaling.

Ultimately, the bargaining stage is about finding a sense of control and hope in a difficult situation. While it may be tempting to try to bargain your way out of your illness, accepting your diagnosis and focusing on managing your symptoms can help you live a fulfilling life. Learn to live your best life. 

Depression

It is common to experience depression when dealing with a chronic illness. You may feel sad, hopeless, or helpless due to the changes in your life and the uncertainty of the future. Depression can make it difficult to complete daily tasks, and it can negatively impact your relationships and overall quality of life. This freaking diagnosis will not go away and can disrupt your daily routine. 

It is important to recognize the symptoms of depression and seek treatment. Some symptoms of depression include:

  • Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Feeling hopeless or pessimistic
  • Feeling irritable, easily frustrated, or restless
  • Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling “slowed down”
  • Withdrawing from friends or social activities 

If you are experiencing depression, it is important to talk to your healthcare provider. They can recommend treatment options such as therapy, medication, or a combination of both. It is also important to take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and staying active. 

Remember that depression is a common and treatable condition. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and it can help you manage your chronic illness and improve your overall well-being. Regain a sense of control and improve your quality of life.

Acceptance

After experiencing the various stages of grief, you may eventually reach a stage of acceptance. Acceptance does not mean that you are okay with having a chronic illness, but rather that you have come to terms with the reality of your situation. Acceptance allows you to focus on moving forward and adapting to your new normal.

During the acceptance stage, it is important to acknowledge and express your feelings. It is okay to feel sad or angry about your situation, but it is also important to find ways to cope with these emotions. This may involve talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or practicing self-care activities such as meditation or exercise.

Another important aspect of acceptance is recognizing that your chronic illness does not define you. You are still the same person you were before your diagnosis, with unique skills, talents, and qualities. It may take time to adjust to your new limitations, but with patience and perseverance, you can still achieve your goals and pursue your passions.

It is also important to educate yourself about your illness and to communicate openly with your healthcare team. This can help you better understand your condition and make informed decisions about your treatment options. Additionally, staying proactive about your health can help you feel more in control and empowered. Design a treatment plan to meet your specific needs. 

Ultimately, acceptance is a process that looks different for everyone. It may take time to reach this stage, and that’s okay. Remember to be patient with yourself and to seek support when needed. With time and effort, you can learn to live a fulfilling life despite your chronic illness.

Living with a chronic illness

Accepting a chronic illness is not easy, but it is a necessary step toward living a fulfilling life. It is important to understand that the process of acceptance is not linear and can vary from person to person. You may go through different stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

During the process of acceptance, it is important to seek support from loved ones, healthcare professionals, and support groups. You can also try different coping strategies, such as mindfulness, meditation, and journaling, to help you manage your emotions and improve your overall well-being. While you may feel a loss, remember your loved ones are feeling it too. It does become a family health and quality of life issue. 

Remember that accepting your chronic illness does not mean giving up on your dreams or goals. You can still live a meaningful life by focusing on what you can do rather than what you cannot do. You may need to make some adjustments to your lifestyle, but with time and patience, you can find new ways to pursue your passions and interests.

 It is important to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Living with a chronic illness can be challenging, and it is okay to have bad days. Remember that you are not alone, and there are many resources available to help you cope with your illness. By accepting your chronic illness, you can take control of your life and work towards your best quality of life. 

 Empowering Health Options can help you when you feel stuck and are ready to move forward.

Pat

Coping with a Chronic Illness Diagnosis: Expert Tips and Strategies

Posted on April 20, 2023 by - Chronic Illness Diagnosis

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness can be a life-changing experience. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed, scared, and uncertain about the future. Coping with the diagnosis and managing the symptoms can be daunting, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. 

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with any of these, you have a chronic illness/disease:

  • Alzheimer’s disease
  • Dementia
  • Parkinson’s disease
  • Migraine
  • Depression
  • Chronic pain
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Arthritis
  • Diabetes
  • CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease)
  • COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease
  • Cancer
  • Heart Disease
  • Obesity
  • Osteoporosis
  • Crohn’s disease
  • Multiple Sclerosis
  • Mood Disorders
  • Epilepsy
  • Cystic Fibrosis
  • Asthma
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Heart Disease
  • HIV/AIDS
  • AFib (Atrial fibrillation)
  • Substance misuse or abuse disorders

Learning how to cope with a long-term health condition is a process that takes time and effort. It involves making lifestyle changes, seeking support from loved ones, and developing coping strategies that work for you. It is important to take an active role in managing your health and working with your healthcare team to develop a treatment plan that fits your needs.

While the effects of a chronic illness can be stressful and challenging, it is important to remember that it does not define who you are. With the right support and resources, you can learn to manage your condition and live a fulfilling life. Your life isn;t going to be the same as it was, but you can still have a good quality of life. In this article, we will explore some tips and strategies for coping with a chronic illness diagnosis, so you can take control of your health and well-being. You are a person that has “X” diagnosis, but you are not the diagnosis. 

Understanding the Diagnosis of Chronic Illness

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness can be overwhelming and emotional. Understanding the diagnosis is an important step in coping with your illness. You will deal with many effects of a chronic illness and learning to manage stress will improve your quality of life. You can learn new ways of dealing with the effects of chronic illness. Work with your providers to design a treatment plan to meet your specific needs. 

What is a Chronic Illness?

A chronic illness is a long-term medical condition that requires ongoing management and treatment. Chronic illnesses can affect various parts of the body, including the heart, lungs, kidneys, and brain. They can also impact your quality of life and daily activities. Examples of chronic illnesses include diabetes, cancer, arthritis, and heart disease.

Symptoms of a few of the Chronic Illnesses

The symptoms of chronic illnesses can vary depending on the type of illness and the severity of the condition. Some common symptoms include:

IllnessSymptoms
DiabetesIncreased thirst, frequent urination, blurred vision, fatigue
CancerUnexplained weight loss, fatigue, pain, changes in skin color or texture
ArthritisJoint pain, stiffness, swelling, decreased range of motion
Heart DiseaseChest pain or discomfort, shortness of breath, fatigue, dizziness
COPDCoughing, wheezing, shortness of breath, chest tightness
AsthmaCoughing, wheezing, shortness of breath, chest tightness
MSFatigue, numbness or tingling in limbs, muscle weakness, difficulty with coordination or balance
LupusFatigue, joint pain, skin rashes, fever
Alzheimer’s DiseaseMemory loss, difficulty with language, disorientation, mood swings

Coping Strategies when you feel Overwhelmed

Receiving a chronic illness diagnosis can be overwhelming, but there are strategies that can help you cope with the challenges ahead. Too often you withdraw from friends and social activities. Yes, you need time to deal with the range of emotions that you are going through after being told of your diagnosis. Problems arise when you keep isolating yourself. Sometimes, you may want to share your diagnosis with a few people and sometimes you want to keep it private until you can wrap your head around what is happening. 

Developing a Support System

Building a support system is crucial when coping with a chronic illness diagnosis. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you and understand your situation can help you feel less isolated and overwhelmed. Reach out to family, friends, or support groups for people with similar conditions. Regain a sense of control by managing the disease. Give yourself permission to live your best life. 

It’s important to communicate your needs and feelings to your loved ones. They may not always know how to help, so be specific about what you need from them. This can include practical support like help with household chores or emotional support like a listening ear. Let them know if you are venting or if you actually want some help or ideas. 

Managing Stress

Stress can exacerbate symptoms of chronic illness, so it’s important to find ways to manage it. Consider relaxation techniques like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. Regular exercise can also help reduce stress and improve overall health.

It’s important to avoid negative coping mechanisms like alcohol or substance abuse. Instead, try to pursue activities that bring you joy and relaxation, like reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature.

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

While a chronic illness diagnosis can make it challenging to maintain a healthy lifestyle, it’s important to prioritize your physical health. This can include following a nutritious diet, getting regular exercise, and getting enough sleep.

It’s also important to manage any symptoms or complications of your illness. This may involve taking medications as prescribed, attending regular medical appointments, and making lifestyle changes to manage your symptoms. Your lifestyle and relationships may change a little.

Finding Meaning and Purpose

A chronic illness diagnosis can make finding meaning and purpose in life challenging. However, it’s important to focus on the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. This may involve pursuing hobbies or creative activities, volunteering, or spending time with loved ones.

It’s also important to set goals and focus on the things you can control. This can help you feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose, even in the face of a chronic illness. This will also provide you with a better sense of control and improve your quality of life.

Seeking Professional Help (Give yourself permission to do this)

Managing a chronic illness can be challenging, and it’s important to seek professional help when needed. This may involve working with a therapist to manage the emotional impacts of your illness or working with a healthcare provider to manage your symptoms and complications.

Remember, coping with a chronic illness diagnosis is a journey, and it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself along the way. With the right strategies and support, you can learn to manage the challenges of your illness and live a fulfilling life. Everyone deserves the best quality of life possible for them. 

Practical Tips for Daily Living With Chronic Illness

When you receive a chronic illness diagnosis, trying to navigate the changes that come with it can be overwhelming. Here are some practical tips to help you manage your daily life:

Managing Medications

Keeping track of medications can be challenging, especially if you have multiple prescriptions. Consider using a pill organizer to help you keep track of what you need to take and when. You can also set reminders on your phone or computer to help you remember to take your medication on time.

It’s important to communicate with your healthcare provider about any side effects or concerns you may have with your medication. They may be able to adjust your dosage or switch to a different medication that works better for you.

Adapting Your Home

Your home may need to be adapted to accommodate your new needs. Consider installing grab bars in the bathroom or shower to help prevent falls. You may also need to rearrange furniture to make it easier to move around with mobility aids such as a walker or wheelchair.

Make sure your home is well-lit to help prevent accidents. You can also consider adding nightlights in hallways and bedrooms to help you navigate in the dark.

Managing Finances

A chronic illness can be expensive, so managing your finances carefully is important. Consider meeting with a financial advisor to help you create a budget and plan for medical expenses.

You may also want to look into financial assistance programs that can help cover the cost of medications and medical equipment.

Navigating the Healthcare System

It’s important to understand your healthcare coverage and benefits well. Make sure that you know what is covered by your insurance and what your out-of-pocket expenses will be.

You may also want to consider finding a healthcare advocate who can help you navigate the healthcare system and communicate with your healthcare providers.

Remember to be an active participant in your healthcare by asking questions and advocating for yourself. There will be times when you have to be like a dog with a bone to get things done. It will be exhausting and frustrating when you have to deal with the many moving parts of the healthcare system. 

Maintaining Emotional Health

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness can be a difficult and emotional experience. It’s important to take care of your emotional health as well as your physical health. Here are some tips to help you maintain your emotional well-being:

Dealing with Grief and Loss

It’s normal to feel a sense of loss or grief after being diagnosed with a chronic illness. You may feel like your life has been turned upside down and that you’ve lost control. Allow yourself to grieve and process your emotions. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings. Joining a support group can also be helpful, as you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

Managing Depression and Anxiety

Depression and anxiety are common in people with chronic illnesses. It’s important to seek professional help if you’re experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety. Your doctor may be able to refer you to a mental health professional who can provide counseling or medication. In addition, practicing self-care can help manage symptoms. This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

Cultivating Resilience and Hope

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences. Cultivating resilience can help you cope with the challenges of a chronic illness. One way to build resilience is to focus on the things that you can control. This may include taking your medication as prescribed, eating healthy meals, and engaging in activities that you enjoy. It’s also important to maintain a sense of hope. This can be difficult when you’re dealing with a chronic illness, but setting small goals and celebrating small victories can help you stay positive.

Pat

Caregivers and Care Partners Learning to Reframe

Posted on April 12, 2023 by - Caregiver Tools

Caring for a loved one with dementia or mental illness can be emotionally and physically draining. It can be challenging for caregivers to manage their own feelings while providing the best care possible. One technique that can help caregivers is cognitive reframing (reframing) – the process of changing the way one thinks about a situation or problem. Reframing can help caregivers shift their focus from negative thoughts and emotions to more positive ones, making it easier to cope with the challenges of caregiving.

Family caregivers can use this tool as another coping strategy for stress management. By reducing your stress level you’ll be able to improve your caregiving experience. By learning cognitive reframing techniques, you are able to look at a situation differently. When you can slow down, just a little, you can look for other options or opportunities that you hadn’t thought of before. This slightly different perspective or a different way to look at a problem may help you a great deal during difficult situations. Anytime you can look at a situation from a different perspective it can open up more possibilities. Workplaces use this technique quite a lot when working on projects. 

Think of your feelings as warning signals. They are alerting you to possible dangers. However, they do not get to determine what you do or how you act, you get to do that. Reframing is like that, too. You get to take a minute or two to look for strategies that can help. To consider the issue/problem. Reframing is not doing an analysis. It is about looking at the big picture and looking at things from different angles. We like to solve things, but are we solving the right problem? What if there is a better problem to solve than the one that seems to be causing an issue? Accept the reality as it is, right now. Feel your feeling and don’t quash them.

You can throw solutions at the problem you think you have and see if anything works or you can settle down and see if you have made assumptions about what the problem is. I know that sometimes, you just want things to work. I get it, but what if we could actually find the problem and address that issue so we don’t have to keep going on this merry-go-round? 

It doesn’t have to take you a long time to assess and reframe. What are the impediments or barriers that may be blocking success? Focus on the “why is this happening” and not the “what is happening.” Brainstorm and come up with all kinds of ideas, especially crappy ones. Then you can start throwing out the things that are not feasible. What could make one of the crappy ideas work? Is it doable? 

Is caregiving a burden or a kindness?

For example, instead of thinking of caregiving as a burden, reframing can help caregivers view it as an act of kindness towards their loved one. This can help them feel more positive and fulfilled in their role as a caregiver. Reframing can also help caregivers see their loved one’s behaviors in a different light. For instance, instead of feeling frustrated by a loved one’s repetitive behaviors, reframing can help the caregiver see it as a way for their loved one to feel safe and secure.

Reframing is a learned behavior and can take time and practice to master. However, studies have shown that it can be an effective tool for reducing caregiver stress, anxiety, and depression. By changing their perspective, caregivers can improve their overall quality of life and provide better care for their loved ones.

Understanding Reframing the Situation

What is Reframing?

Reframing is a cognitive technique that involves changing the way we think about a situation. It is a way to shift our perspective and view things in a more positive light. Reframing can help caregivers to cope with the challenges and stress of caring for someone with dementia. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of the situation, reframing can help caregivers to see the positive aspects and find meaning in their caregiving role. For example, a caregiver may feel overwhelmed and stressed by the constant demands of caring for a loved one with dementia. By reframing the situation, the caregiver can focus on the positive aspects of their caregiving role, such as the opportunity to provide love and support to their loved one, and the sense of fulfillment that comes from helping others.

Why is Reframing Important for Family Caregivers? 

Caregiving can be a challenging and stressful role, and it is important for caregivers to take care of their own mental health and well-being. Reframing can help caregivers to manage their stress and cope with the challenges of caregiving. By changing the way they think about the situation, caregivers can reduce their feelings of stress and anxiety and improve their overall well-being. Reframing can also help caregivers to develop a more positive relationship with their loved one with dementia. By focusing on the positive aspects of their relationship and finding meaning in their caregiving role, caregivers can improve their emotional connection with their loved one and provide better care. In summary, reframing is a powerful cognitive technique that can help caregivers to cope with the challenges and stress of caring for someone with dementia. By changing the way they think about the situation, caregivers can reduce their feelings of stress and anxiety, improve their overall well-being, and develop a more positive relationship with their loved one.

Situations Where Reframing Can Help Caregivers

Caregivers often face challenging situations that can be emotionally and physically draining. Reframing is a technique that can help caregivers shift their perspective and find new ways to approach these situations. Here are some common situations where reframing can be particularly helpful:

Dealing with Difficult Behaviors

One of the most challenging aspects of caregiving is managing difficult behaviors. Whether it’s a loved one who is resistant to care or who exhibits aggressive or disruptive behavior, it can be hard to know how to respond. Reframing can help caregivers see these behaviors in a new light and find more effective ways to respond.

  • Example: Instead of seeing a loved one’s resistance to care as a personal attack, a caregiver might reframe the situation as a sign that their loved one is feeling scared or vulnerable. By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, the caregiver may be able to find a way to make their loved one feel more comfortable and cooperative.

Managing Stress and Burnout

Caregiving can be a stressful and overwhelming experience, and many caregivers struggle with burnout. Reframing can help caregivers find new ways to cope with stress and avoid burnout.

  • Example: Instead of seeing caregiving as a burden or obligation, a caregiver might reframe their role as an opportunity to show love and support to their loved one. By focusing on the positive aspects of caregiving, the caregiver may be able to find more joy and fulfillment in their role.

Improving Communication with Loved Ones

Effective communication is key to successful caregiving, but it can be challenging when a loved one is experiencing cognitive decline or other health issues. Reframing can help caregivers approach communication in a new way and find ways to connect with their loved one.

  • Example: Instead of feeling frustrated by a loved one’s inability to communicate effectively, a caregiver might reframe the situation as an opportunity to connect on a deeper level. By using nonverbal cues or finding alternative ways to communicate, the caregiver may be able to strengthen their bond with their loved one.

Examples of Reframing in Action

Case Study 1: Reframing Challenging Behaviors

Caregiving can be a challenging job, especially when the person being cared for has difficult behaviors. Reframing can help caregivers see these behaviors in a new light and respond more effectively. For example, a caregiver may be frustrated by a person with dementia who constantly repeats the same question. Instead of becoming annoyed, the caregiver can reframe the behavior as a sign that the person is seeking reassurance or feeling anxious. By responding with empathy and patience, the caregiver can help the person feel calmer and more secure. Another example is a caregiver who is struggling to get a person with a physical disability to participate in physical therapy. Instead of seeing the person as stubborn or resistant, the caregiver can reframe the situation as a fear of pain or a lack of understanding of the benefits of therapy. By addressing these underlying concerns, the caregiver can help the person feel more motivated and engaged.

Case Study 2: Reframing Negative Thoughts and Emotions

Caregiving can also take an emotional toll on caregivers, leading to negative thoughts and feelings. Reframing can help caregivers shift their perspective and find more positive ways of coping. For example, a caregiver may feel guilty for needing a break or taking time for themselves. Instead of seeing this as a weakness or failure, the caregiver can reframe it as a necessary part of self-care that ultimately benefits both themselves and the person they are caring for. Another example is a caregiver feeling overwhelmed by caregiving’s demands. Instead of seeing this as a hopeless situation, the caregiver can reframe it as an opportunity to learn new skills, build resilience, and deepen their relationships with the person they are caring for.

Case Study 3: Reframing Communication Challenges

Effective communication is key to successful caregiving, but it can be difficult when the person being cared for has cognitive or communication impairments. Reframing can help caregivers find new ways of communicating and connecting. For example, a caregiver may be struggling to understand a person with aphasia who is having difficulty finding the right words. Instead of becoming frustrated or giving up, the caregiver can reframe the situation as an opportunity to practice active listening, use visual cues, and explore alternative modes of communication like gestures or writing. Another example is a caregiver who is having difficulty engaging a person with autism who is fixated on a particular topic. Instead of seeing this as a barrier to communication, the caregiver can reframe it as a shared interest that can be used to build rapport and connection. By showing genuine interest and curiosity, the caregiver can help the person feel heard and understood.

Tips for Caregivers to Reframe the Situation

Identifying Negative Thought Patterns

Caregivers often find themselves in situations that are emotionally and physically draining. It is easy for them to fall into negative thought patterns that can make the situation worse. Identifying these negative thought patterns is the first step in reframing the situation. Caregivers can ask themselves questions like:

  • What am I thinking right now?
  • Is this thought helping me or making things worse?
  • What evidence do I have to support this thought?

By identifying negative thought patterns, caregivers can challenge them and replace them with more positive ones.

Practicing Gratitude and Positive Self-Talk

Practicing gratitude and positive self-talk can help caregivers reframe the situation and see it in a more positive light. Caregivers can keep a gratitude journal and write down three things they are grateful for each day. They can also practice positive self-talk by telling themselves things like:

  • I am doing the best I can.
  • I am making a difference in someone’s life.
  • I am strong and capable.

By practicing gratitude and positive self-talk, caregivers can shift their focus from the negative aspects of the situation to the positive ones.

Seeking Support from Others

Caregiving can be a lonely and isolating experience. Seeking support from others can help caregivers reframe the situation and see it in a more positive light. Caregivers can join a support group, talk to a therapist, or reach out to friends and family members for support. By seeking support from others, caregivers can feel less alone and more empowered to handle the challenges of caregiving.

Pat

How to De-stress in the moment

Posted on April 6, 2023 by - Caregiver stress

You come bee-bopping in, ready to take on the day and help your loved one. Ah, but wait, all is not well in Alzheimer’s land (or any dementia). A stressful situation seems to be in progress. You scan the area for clues to reduce stress. Nothing seems to be amiss. You look at your loved one, but you do not see anything visible that could be causing the distress they seem to be in. Your loved one is sitting there with her head in her hands saying, “Help, Help, Help,…over and over again. Ask them what they need help with. They may also say, “I want to go home.” Over and over again. Crying inconsolably sometimes happens.

 You can also try reaching out your hand for them to take. When they take it, move to somewhere else while making a statement of, “I think it’s time for a bathroom break and a snack.” Sometimes, even going outside for a few minutes will help. Ask them to help you with something, give them a purpose and a job to do. You will become more skilled at helping during meltdowns. Do something physical to get them moving. Physical activity seems to bring stress relief or at least stress reduction. 

Find it, Fix it

You have to immediately go into “find it, fix it” mode. You have to check on all the things running through your mind at warp speed. First, you speak to them calmly and tell them who you are and that you are here to help them. Sometimes, your loved one may be able to tell you something. Now, it may not be what is causing the problem or issue, but they will tell you something. Both of you are experiencing a physical stress response and an emotional response to stress. All your brain wants is RELIEF. 

The things you know to check for include:

·       They need to go to the bathroom.

·       They have had a pee or poop accident.

·       They are in pain.

·       They are experiencing discomfort (shoes, feet, arms, legs, neck, clothing, etc.).

·       They are frustrated or overtired.

·       The environment they are in is too loud and/or distracting for them.

·       They are having hallucinations.

You quickly go through the list checking on everything and doing what you can to help. Sometimes, that works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, it is sundowning and it sucks. You provide comfort, distract and redirect as best you can because logic and reasoning won’t work. Taking care of the need is what usually settles everything down. The trick is to find the need. Crisis moments or stressful events need us to be able to help reduce stress levels. 

How does this get you to destress while in the moment? How does this decrease your cortisol level? How does this help you decrease your own anxiety and stress? Your psychological stress is related to their highly stressful agitated state. Watch out, you both can feed off of each other’s stress. They cannot manage their stress so you need to manage your stress.

You will automatically go into “find it, fix it,” mode and you won’t think about what you can do for yourself to calm down. The situation has already caused your own stress response to kick in and your brain has been hijacked due to the release of the stress hormones (releases adrenaline and cortisol). Breathing techniques work really well. You have to remember to do them. They really do help you to focus your mind and deal with what is in front of you. 

The best thing for you to do

The best thing for you to do is to deep breathe. Breathe in deeply and allow your belly to expand. Inhale through the nose for a count of five. Hold for a count of three and exhale through pursed lips for a count of seven. Repeat this five times. Doing this leads to increased focus and a decrease in anxiety and other forms of stress reactivity. Call deep breathing psychological first aid.

Now you can think more rationally

Now, you will be able to think and act more rationally. Deep breathing is not natural to most of us and we need to practice it a couple of times a day anyway. Remember that even if your loved one doesn’t understand the words you are saying or that you are trying to help, they are able to pick up on the feelings you are having and showing.

You have gotten your loved one semi-settled down and they are okay to be on their own for a few minutes. Let’s get rid of some of this stress. Try using the tensing and relaxing of muscles method. It is also known as progressive muscle relaxation. Now it is your turn to find practices that can help you to unwind. 

Tensing and Relaxing Your Muscles

You are going to slowly tense and relax each muscle. Muscles should be tense but not strained. Pay attention to the feeling of the muscle as it is tensed and then relaxed. This only takes 15 minutes.

Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit, take off your shoes, and close your eyes. Let your body go loosey-goosey. Practice belly breathing exercise five times.

Bring your focus to each muscle targeted. For example, take your right hand and make a fist. Squeeze that fist, as hard as you can for 5 seconds. Feel the tension and notice what the muscle feels like. We are not looking for pain. Some discomfort, but not pain.

After holding for 5 seconds, relax the muscle quickly and completely. Notice how that muscle feels and the areas around the muscle too. It may take some practice, but you will get better and better at targeting specific major muscles when it is time.

Relax for 15 seconds before moving on to the next muscle.

Body parts

Foot – curl your toes downward and hold for 5 seconds, then relax

Lower leg and foot – tighten your calf muscles by pulling your toes towards you, hold for 5 seconds, and then relax

Entire leg – squeeze/tense thigh muscles (quadriceps), hold for 5 seconds, and then relax

Do the opposite side next.

Hand – clench your fist, hold for 5 seconds, and then relax

Entire arm – Close your fist and bring your forearm up towards your shoulder (make a muscle), hold for 5 seconds, and then relax

Do the opposite side next.

Buttocks – tighten by pulling your butt cheeks together, hold for 5 seconds, and then relax

Stomach – suck your stomach in (pull belly button towards spine), hold for 5 seconds, and then relax

Chest – tighten by taking a deep breath holding it for 5 seconds and then relaxing

Neck and Shoulders – Shoulder shrugs (shrug your shoulders up towards your ears) hold for 5 seconds and then relax

Mouth – Open your mouth wide enough to stretch the hinges of the jaw hold for 5 seconds and then relax (you may be clenching your jaw and not even know it)

Eyelids – shut your eyes tightly hold them for 5 seconds and then relax

Forehead – raise your eyebrows as high as you can and hold them for 5 seconds then relax

Shorter version

After you become familiar with this routine you can do a shorter version when you are strapped for time.

Feet and Legs at the same time

Stomach and Chest at the same time

Arms, Shoulders, and Neck at the same time

Mouth, Eyelids, and Forehead at the same time

When you are really familiar with the tensing and relaxing techniques, you can learn to find your tense muscles and relax them.

Take micro-breaks

Take a micro-break – 5 minutes every hour

Micro-breaks help you unwind. Micro-breaks are another useful way to manage high levels of stress. You will be much better prepared for crisis situations when you take care of your mental and physical health.

  • Drink a glass of water
  • Close your eyes and deep belly breathe
  • Take a 5-minute walk outside
  • Do a brain dump – journal/write whatever pops into your head for 5 minutes
  • Do some exercises – 10 squats, 10 jumping jacks, 10 lunges, planks, pushups, stretches
  • Watch a short funny video
  • Listen to a favorite song
  • Laugh out loud (yes, you can make yourself laugh…the brain doesn’t know the difference…it just releases the chemicals)
  • Eat a piece of fruit and drink a glass of water.

Pat

Agitation causes 180-degree changes in mood

Posted on March 29, 2023 by - Agitation, Caregiver

What caused this zero to sixty 180-degree change in mood?

It’s a normal day and everything seems to be going well. Then, all of a sudden, your care receiver begins pacing, muttering, and would not answer any questions. You are trying to find out what is happening. They have Parkinson’s disease, but this has never happened before.

Agitation is common in Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy body dementia, Multiple sclerosis, Chronic pain, other dementias, Bipolar disorder, Autism, Personality disorder, Substance abuse disorder, Depression, and other chronic health conditions. How can the caregiver help with restlessness? Remember, it isn’t just agitation in dementia that is a problem.  You will see agitation in people living with dementia, people living with Parkinson’s disease, and those with MS, but the cause of the agitation may not be so easy to figure out.

March 29, 2023

Agitation

Agitation is a feeling of uneasiness, aggravation, or restlessness. Irritability and feeling tense are also common signs of agitation. Agitation can be brought on with little to no provocation. Not all agitation gets aggressive, but sometimes, it does. Become more aware of agitation signs and symptoms. The goal is to de-escalate the situation.

Your loved one (care receiver) may or may not be aware that they are agitated. Agitation has been described using these statements:  “I can’t sit still.” “I can’t stay in one place, I have to move, I don’t like it here.” “I have to move.” They may pitch a temper tantrum, throw things, and start accusing you of messing with their “stuff.” Even asking the same question over and over is a form of agitation,

Parkinson’s disease

People with Parkinson’s disease or other cognitive decline disorders commonly have some type of psychosis. Psychosis(some type of disconnect with reality) includes hallucinations, delusions, or paranoia. You may also see impulsive or compulsive behaviors too. Agitated behavior is quite common in the mid to later stages. 

This is where you marshal up your strength and do what needs to be done. You must remain calm. Remember, you are de-escalating the situation. You are not trying to win or be right. You cannot use logic when anyone is in the throes of an agitated state. They are not being logical; they can’t be logical. The amygdala part of their brain has been activated and everything else has been hijacked. Think fight, flight, fawn, or freeze actions.

As best that you can try to figure out what happened in the previous 30 minutes.

Causes of Agitation:

Happening in or to the body

·       Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)

·       Head injury, Stroke, Seizure

·       Infection

·       Low oxygen levels

·       Organ failure

·       Too cold or too hot

·       Pain or Discomfort

·       Needing to pee or poop

·       Dehydration

·       Vision problems

Mental or Behavior health issues

·       Dementia – any type

·       Sundowning

·       Psychosis

·       Disruption of sleep (nightmares, sleep apnea, sleepwalking or talking, nighttime seizures)

·       PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)

·       Disruptive patterns of thinking

·       Bipolar disorders

Substance use or abuse

·       Alcohol

·       Narcotics (pain meds)

·       Stimulants (caffeine, thyroid medications, corticosteroids, asthma medications, seizure medications, Parkinson’s disease medications, ADHD medications)

·       Hallucinogens (Cocaine, LSD, Ecstasy)

·       Toxins (pesticides, heavy metals,)

Medical interventions

·       Post-operative anesthesia

·       Sedation

·       Withdrawal from drugs

·       Withdrawal from alcohol

·       Drug-Drug interaction

·       Long wait times

·       Perception of unfair treatment

What to do to de-escalate the situation and decrease the agitation:

First, assess the situation for violence. Agitation may include physical aggression. What are they doing and what is close at hand for a weapon? What do they look like? Look at their breathing, eyes, and skin. What do you observe? They may be unable to express what they are feeling or what is happening to them. You may have heard the phrase “old man strength.” It is real and it is not just the men that have the strength either. The women do too. Remember, it is changes in the brain that are driving some of this behavior. 

Problems to look for:

·       Shallow, rapid breathing

·       Pupils dilated

·       Flushed or reddening of the skin

·       Sweating

How are they acting?

·       Throwing things

·       Clenching of fists

·       Irritable

·       Hostile behaviors

De-escalate; Decrease Agitation: 

If the area is safe, remain calm and talk in a low soft voice. Show compassion for their concerns. Use plain and simple language. Short sentences and do not be condescending. People with any type of dementia or cognitive impairment can experience restlessness and agitation. 

Listen to them and remain respectful. Acknowledge their frustrations and perceptions. You don’t have to agree with them to acknowledge what they are feeling or believing. Ask open-ended questions, not yes-no questions, you want them to talk and try to explain what they are feeling. Do not pepper them with questions. Be conversational. They may not know exactly what is going on or why they are feeling this way. You are trying to manage the agitation and decrease their restless feelings and anxiety. 

Try to get them to go to a neutral, calm area to decrease the stimulation they are experiencing.

You can assess the environment later, right now, the goal is to de-escalate and calm down. After they are calmed down, you can try to redirect their attention to a soothing activity. Watching a movie, listening to music, watching a TV show, or doing an art project. Maybe it is time for some physical activity to get rid of that excess energy.

Next steps

You will have to determine if this is an unusual situation or if it is becoming more and more common. Talk with your doctor, your loved one may need an evaluation to find the possible cause or triggers. If you haven’t done so, you will need to look at the home or environment they are in when the behavior occurs. Lighting, shadows, figurines, plants, and smells will all need to be evaluated as possible triggers.

Care partners (caregivers) can become agitated, too. Caregiving is hard when a loved one has dementia, it is even more difficult when your loved one with dementia has agitation and feels restless. Not only do you have to try and manage the dementia patient, but you also have to manage your own behavior, frustration, and agitation too. Most of the time it is a medical condition, underlying illness, or something that is making them uncomfortable that drives the behavior. 

Pat

Supplements that can mess up your meds

Posted on March 22, 2023 by - #caregivers, Medications not working, overmedication, too many meds

Supplements and Medications Interactions

At your last checkup, your doctor told you to take calcium 500 – 600 mg twice a day because your bone density tests indicate that you have osteopenia. Osteopenia is a decrease in bone mineral density below normal reference values, but not low enough to meet a diagnosis of osteoporosis.

Ok, no big deal. You pick some up and begin taking them. Wait, there could be a big deal. Do you take medication for your thyroid, such as levothyroxine? Are you taking doxycycline or ciprofloxacin for an infection? If yes, you cannot take the calcium supplements with the thyroid medication or the antibiotic. They need to be separated by two hours. There are other medications that are made less effective by calcium. 

March 22, 2023

Calcium effects – Medication interactions

Calcium binds up the medications (those that are affected by it) and makes them less available for absorption and may decrease the effectiveness of your medications. Some of your medications may increase the absorption of calcium causing too much calcium in your body. Kidney problems or serious side effects of calcium may occur.

You may have tolerated problems in your earlier years, but now you are 60 or older and things are changing. Your kidneys don’t filter as well. Your liver may not be able to metabolize things as well as it once did, causing an increase in side effect problems or adverse drug events.

Be more aware of supplements and drug interactions

I want you to be more aware of what can impact your medications. Some things cause too little of your medication to be absorbed. Some things cause too much of your medication to be absorbed. If you are taking supplements, find out what you can and cannot take with your current meds. Find out the best time to take your supplements.

Iron, Potassium, Vitamin K

Over-the-counter Iron supplements, potassium supplements, or vitamin K supplements can cause problems too. St. John’s wort is another supplement that may cause problems. A lot of folks are on medications that are used to treat high blood pressure medications, heart medications, antidepressant medications, and blood thinners such as warfarin, or antiviral medications.

It matters!

You need to know what can and can’t be taken together. You need to know when to take what. You need to know that the fat-soluble vitamins A,D,E,K can build up in your body. Some of you have been told that you “pee out what your body doesn’t absorb” which is not entirely true. Did you know that your body can only absorb 500 – 600 mg of calcium at a time?

PPI’s and Medication interactions

Even gastric acidity affects some medications. Are you taking a proton pump inhibitor (PPI) such as Prilosec® (omeprazole), Nexium® (esomeprazole), Prevacid® (lansoprazole), etc.? If you have to take an iron supplement and you take a PPI, your iron is probably not being absorbed as the gastric acid is “less acidy.”

Certain foods can also interfere with medication absorption. Examples include Grapefruit, Kale, Dairy, Yogurt, Alcohol, and Tyramine-rich foods.

Common things that we don’t think about that affect medications:

  1. ·       Nicotine use
  2. ·       Alcohol
  3. ·       Caffeine
  4. ·       Our diet
  5. ·       Changes in medical conditions
  6. ·       Changes in illness (usually a decline)
  7. ·       Infections

Aging and what the body does to drugs

With aging comes changing pharmacokinetics. Pharmacokinetics is what the body does to drugs. These changes include Absorption, Distribution across body compartments, Metabolism, and Excretion. The metabolism and excretion of many drugs decrease, which means your dosage probably needs to decrease as well. Absorption is not usually a clinically significant problem unless other factors come into play. As we age body fat usually increases and total body water decreases. This can affect the distribution of drugs that are lipophilic (dissolves in lipids or fats). Hepatic (liver) metabolism through the cytochrome P-450 system, decreases with age. Renal (kidney) elimination. This one actually begins to decline at about age 40.

As you can see, there are a lot of factors that can impact your medication’s ability to do its job. Your pharmacist can help you with these issues. 

Pat

Can you have a difficult conversation and be respectful?

Posted on March 15, 2023 by - #alzheimers, #caregiver, #caregivers, #dementia, #parkinsons, difficult conversations, hard conversations

Sometimes, having a difficult conversation and being respectful don’t always go together. You can have a difficult conversation, but you can’t seem to reign in your emotions or you can talk about things that don’t really matter and be respectful. Think about it. How do you feel when you know a difficult decision must be made and you are facing a difficult conversation? Your heart begins to race, tension builds up in your body, and you are irritable. The conversation hasn’t even happened yet and you are all torn up. 

You are on edge and ready for a fight. You don’t want to have this difficult conversation, but you’re facing it all the same.   However, this is all in your mind. Nothing has happened, yet. Why do you feel this way? Past experience? Your racing thoughts are running amok and you are experiencing a stress response. You aren’t sure that a difficult conversation can be any other way than adversarial. Maybe, you don’t feel safe because you can’t predict the outcome. 

March 15, 2023

First, let’s figure out what your style of communicating is when you are stressed. Yes, you handle things differently when you are at peace with yourself and your surroundings. Stress impacts our ability to communicate. What toll are your relationships taking when you are not at your best?

Self-awareness plays a vital role in this arena. Are you aware of how you are feeling and why you feel that way? Are you aware of when it is not a good time to have a difficult decision because you are not in the best frame of mind? Did you know that it is your responsibility to get your shit together and then have the hard talks?

When you are self-aware and emotionally healthy:

·       You can intentionally respond to a situation. You think about the situation and act accordingly.

·       You are more open to others’ ideas and inputs. You are looking for the best solutions.

·       You are actually listening to understand and not just to respond.

·       You are empathetic to the other person.

·       You allow yourself to be curious about how the other person thinks and are open to changing your own mind.

·       You will allow yourself to seek out support from others.

·       You are willing to be understanding, supportive and fair.

·       You have the ability to be patient during the discussion process.

When you are not emotionally healthy or self-aware:

·       You tend to react to what the other person says and emotions escalate.

·       You will be more critical of anything the other person is saying.

·       You may even shut down and withdraw from the discussion.

·       You tend to personalize the comments and do some projecting of how you feel onto the other person.

·       You tend to be more judgmental and closed-minded.

·       You will do things on your own and not seek out help or guidance from others.

·       You will use manipulation, and verbal attacks to dominate the discussion.

·       You are impatient and that will lead to you becoming pushy and interrupting.

When we are tired, we can slide into the not-emotionally healthy or self-aware category. What is usually a small annoyance can become a mega monster deal to us and we react accordingly. Notice that I said, react. We are not being rational or acting in the best manner. Our brains have been hijacked by the amygdala (stressors and cortisol dump) and we are off on a tear. What we sometimes forget is that there are people whom we love and care deeply for on the receiving end of those rants and raves.

So, what can we do to be in the best frame of mind when we need to have difficult conversations?

·       Rest and get good sleep.

·       Do something physical each day for 15-30 minutes.

·       Write down 3 things that you are grateful for every day. Different things.

·       Be aware of what your inner critic is saying to you. Is it true or correct? If not, then you have to get verbal with the inner critic and tell it to shut up. Your inner critic needs a new job but that is another discussion.

·       You may not be able to rid yourself of stress, but you can manage your stress. Hopefully, you will do that in constructive ways.

We can all benefit from learning how to become better communicators. Take a course, do a seminar, or look up good articles online.

Our scenario:

Let’s look at the driving issue that seems to pop up. Here is the situation. Your dad needs to stop driving. He no longer has quick enough reflexes. His arthritis and neck issues are worse. Maybe there is some dementia that is now becoming an issue. You have noticed dings in the car on the sides and in the rear. The reasons could be physical, mental, or both.

You know that this is going to be difficult and it could get ugly. Hence, the stress response. You also know that this very difficult conversation has to happen soon because you are truly concerned for their safety and the safety of others.

Now that you have the scenario, what is the best approach for you to use when this discussion has to happen and you want to be helpful, loving, and respectful?

Family dynamics will play a part in this. It is best for the person who will have more sway with them to do the talking. This is not a guarantee, but it will help. Keep the main thing the main thing. Don’t get off-topic and into the weeds. Know what your “main thing” is. Next, you will need to state the “why’s.”

The main thing – stop driving

Why’s –         

§  Cognitive decline (dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, or other impairment)

§  Problems with mobility or coordination

§  Vision problems

§  Hearing loss

§  Sleep disorder

§  Seizures

§  Inability to turn their head and neck very far

All right, you have your main thing and your “why’s.” Now you need to prepare for the emotions that will come from you and them. This is where you discuss and listen with respect. That means no name-calling, no cussing, no threatening, no bulldozing over their concerns or pushback. 

They are going to push back. They are going to fight you on this. The best way to prepare for this is to listen to what their concerns are and understand what they are trying to say. I guarantee you that there are many things not being said and that is the real problem. Understand the other person’s point of view. Keep the conversation going as long as it is productive and emotions don’t send it off the rails.

What is not being said is, “I don’t want to give up my independence.” 

                                          “I want to go and do as I please.”

                                          “I don’t want to bother you or be a burden.”

                                          “I don’t want you judging me for where I go or what I do.”

                                          “I am your dad, you are not my dad.”

                                          “I will not be told what I can and cannot do.”

Take the time to understand things from their point of view. Imagine yourself being in the same situation because you’re going to be in the same situation one day so put yourself in their shoes.

You can keep stating the facts. You can even talk about the concerns you have for their safety, their passenger’s safety, or someone else’s safety. All of that is great and necessary. You have not addressed their concerns and wants. How will you handle that? You have to listen to the other person’s perspective.

You have to meet their needs and help them with what concerns them about not driving. Who will take them to the store, to the mall, to breakfast or lunch with friends? Who will take them to play golf, bowl, or to a ball game? Can they use a driving service such as a Taxi,  Uber, or Lyft? Will you set up the drive to and from for them? Who will pay?

Whew! You may or may not have a resolution, yet. You may have to table this discussion until a later date. You may, in fact, have to have this discussion multiple times before a resolution is reached. Unless they have a cognitive impairment, you may never get them to stop driving. Their doctor may have more sway than you and that is fine to use the doctor if needed. You can’t make someone do or not do anything. They get to make the decision, even if it is a bad decision. 

The purpose of this exercise was to show you an example of a difficult discussion and some things to think about before jumping in. To show you that you can prepare, you can listen for understanding and provide alternative solutions to meet their needs.

You are in control and in charge of your own emotions, feelings, and how to act and react. You are not in control of any other person’s actions or reactions.

A few tips:

·       Use “I” statements. Do not use any sentence that starts with ”you.” It makes people defensive.

·       Do not be sarcastic.

·       Do not use the words, “always” or “never”

·       Look at them in the eye.

·       Do not interrupt them. Let them say what they need to say.

·       Stick to their abilities and not their age.

·       Remember to value the relationship.

·       Be solutions-oriented. Ask them to be solutions-oriented.

·       Watch your tone.

·       Remember to deep breathe.

·       It is okay to disagree. Maybe a neutral person needs to do an evaluation of driving skills.

·       Have them drive you around.

·       Maybe, they can drive short distances in the mornings or early afternoons (avoid rush hours).

·       Know when to start or not start the conversation. Is this the best time to have this discussion? What else is going on? The time may never be perfect, but you need to find the best time possible.

·       Remember your purpose in having this difficult decision. You want them and others to be safe.

With any difficult discussion, emotions run high. Do what you can do to be prepared. Maintain your composure and learn to listen for understanding.

What disrespect looks like and sounds like

·       Disrespectful people do not care about the other person’s feelings.

·       People stop talking when you enter a room.

·       They do not accept responsibility when both of you share some of the blame.

·       They continuously interrupt you.

·       Angry or rude outbursts

·       Bullying

·       Shaming you

·       Arrogant behavior

·       Sarcasm or Taunting

·       Sighing, Making faces, Eye rolling

·       The silent treatment

·       Dismissing ideas without listening to them

You can become a more effective communicator. You can have difficult discussions with less stress. You can do all these things. You can learn better communication strategies. You know what you want to accomplish. Are you also willing to agree to disagree and improve the situation? 

Pat

What happens to your body when springtime seasonal allergies start?

Posted on March 8, 2023 by - Seasonal Allergies

While we may not be finished with Winter weather, Springtime weather is peeking through, and with that comes a host of spring allergy issues for those of us sensitive to those allergens. The aggravating headaches will not go away and have you wondering if it is a stress-type headache, a beginning migraine, or because you are stuffed up. It could be any or all of these allergy symptoms at the same time. Dang allergy season. 

Your eyes may feel like sandpaper or they are burning and itching so bad that you want to scratch them out. You try not to rub them, but sometimes the need for relief wins. Your nose is stuffed up, on both sides and it is hard to breathe. Don’t forget about the other sinus cavities that can be congested. We have 4 pairs. These allergy symptoms may trigger all kinds of allergic reactions. 

Scratchy or sore throat from the drainage. Sneezing and coughing to clear mucus from the irritated pathways. The mucus is clear in allergies. If you have mucus that is yellow or green colored, that usually points to a cold. Some folks even develop hives. What is causing this misery and how long will it last? The most common culprits are tree pollen, grass pollen, mold, and dust mites. 

March 7, 2023

Don’t forget about the body aches and tiredness that may happen. Did you know that they could be caused by an allergen?  A slight temperature increase may also happen in some folks. Not a fever, but a degree or two increase. Just enough to make you feel bad and tired.

 Seasonal allergies are caused by the immune system that has been overloaded and is now overreacting to some “stimulus.” The stimulus in seasonal allergies may come from a variety of sources. Check your local area for the pollen count. You may also use the American Academy of Allergy Asthma & Immunology website:  

https://pollen.aaaai.org/#/

Trees in East Tennessee that may trigger seasonal allergies:

·       Oak

·       Hickory

·       Birch

·       Maple

·       Cedar

·       Walnut

Grasses in East Tennessee that may trigger seasonal allergies:

·       Bermuda

·       Bent

·       Timothy

·       Sweet Vernal grass

Pollen in East Tennessee that may trigger seasonal allergies:

·       Ragweed

·       Wormwood

Common Molds that trigger an allergy: 

·       Alternaria

·       Aspergillus

·       Cladosporium

·       Penicillium

Mildew is also a type of mold that may trigger an allergic reaction. 

If you ever feel like your throat is closing off, go to your doctor or allergist. I understand it may close off for a few seconds when an allergen is near, but if it continues longer than a few seconds or seems to get worse go to your doctor. If you have asthma or COPD you must treat the allergy so you can have better control over asthma or COPD. 

Immune Response Diagram

A trigger causes a histamine release and an immune response.

Look at all that. It is a good thing that our bodies know what to do, isn’t it?

Oops! I almost forgot about the 4 pairs of sinus cavities:

Frontal sinuses – Just above each eye

Maxillary sinuses – Sit behind the cheekbones

Sphenoid sinuses – behind the eyes and way back, near the optic nerves & pituitary gland

Ethmoid sinuses – separated into the front, middle and rear groups (about 6 -12 tiny air sacs) they are behind the nose

Pain locations:

·       Side of nose

·       Temple area

·       Eyes

·       Jaw

·       Teeth

·       Back, Neck, or Joint pain – due to inflammation

·       Muscle aches – due to inflammation

·       Headache

Treatments to help alleviate symptoms that allergy triggers cause: 

Home

1.     When you come inside for the day, take a bath or shower to get rid of the pollen on your body and hair. Change your clothes.

2.     Stay well hydrated.

3.     Clean and dust your house regularly to get rid of pollen and dust mites

4.     Use a HEPA filter/HEPA Air Purifier to help get rid of dander, dust, and such.

5.     Change sheets weekly (best sheet materials include – bamboo, cotton, Tencel, or silk) 

6.     Use air conditioning in your house and car (recirculated air)

7.     Do not hang clothes outside to dry

Reducing your exposure to your allergy trigger: 

1.     Stay inside on dry, windy days.

2.     Avoid lawn mowing or pulling weeds.

3.     Wear a face mask when outdoors.

4.     Close doors and windows at night or when pollen counts are high. They are high in the early morning, too.

5.     Avoid outdoor activity in the early morning, when pollen counts are highest.

Over-the-counter allergy medications

1.     Antihistamines – (there are both sedating (sleep-causing) and non-sedating antihistamines)

These meds help with itchy watery eyes, drainage, and skin itching

These meds do not increase your blood pressure

2.     Decongestants – help with nasal congestion.  These meds can cause you to feel jittery or wired and may keep you awake.  Decongestants are meds that will increase your blood pressure.  Decongestants are not recommended for people with heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, diabetes, or in men with enlarged prostates or with difficulty urinating.

3.     Steroid Nasal Sprays – to decrease swelling and congestion

4.     Cromolyn Sodium nasal spray – helps with sneezing, runny nose, or itching – Prevents mast cells from releasing substances in the immune response cascade.

5.     Decongestant nasal sprays should only be used for 2 days and not more than 3 days or you will probably develop rebound congestion due to the nasal spray. I do not recommend these types of sprays because they can cause more problems than they are worth. Place a little Vick’s vapo-rub under your nose, if needed.

Rinsing your sinuses

1.     Using normal saline nasal spray or  rinse to clear the nose, moisten nasal passages

2.     Using at-home products – Neti pot or other nasal irrigation devices to clear out sinuses. Be careful – you must take care of your devices and clean them as directed. Let them air dry as directed. NEVER use tap water! You must use distilled or sterile water in these irrigation devices. If you are using salt or saline in your device always check to be sure that it is USP-grade sodium chloride and sodium bicarbonate, 99.99% NON-iodized salt, or pharmaceutical grade. Clean your irrigation device as directed by manufacturer instructions.

Tap water is not adequately treated or filtered to be used in medical devices or in nasal irrigation products. Using tap water in these devices may cause serious and even deadly infections.

Alternative treatments

1.     Things like Spirulina, Butterbur, or other herbal remedies may help, but they have not been verified or proven to help with an allergy. 

2.     Acupuncture or Acupressure may help, but has not been proven to help.

 Multi-use over-the-counter products

Don’t buy them. Take only what you need when you need it. A lot of those types of products contain acetaminophen (Tylenol®) and you can find yourself taking way too much. The only multi-use over-the-counter product I recommend is Robitussin-DM® (dextromethorphan and guaifenesin).

Pat